I hate Passwords...

I have not been on in awhile to post anything because Blogger changed all their settings and forgot to tell me. After alot of searching, (Alot) I finally figured out how to get in to my own Blog...Like I said "I hate Passwords"...


Life is for me these days is "Leaving on the edge" because I don't know what will come day to day. It's scary living like this but I guess I have to until things get better for me.


I saw a CNN News post this morning and it said the Poverty levels are just about as low as they have ever been, and I believe this. Years ago I wouldn't have been afraid to go out on my own and live in a apartment by myself...now...? It scares me to death, and I know I am going to have to do this very soon. I don't make what I use to make for one and I also can not keep up with the prices going up and up on just about everything.


I remember driving to NJ about 7-8 years ago for Thanksgiving and when I stopped in Virginia for Gas it was actually .99cents a gallon, the lowest I had ever seen...Now we are between almost $4-5 a gallon. Who is running this country?


So, yes I am scared to death. I am so scared of the "Unknown" and there is nothing I can do about it. I have to take care of myself and my Bailey...He will be so scared moving into another house, I know it. He really only knows the house he is in now. Bailey was only 8 months old when I bought the house, now he is 9 years old...


BUT as they say, life goes on....so now that I can get into my blogger again, I can keep updated with my comings and goings....lol..

Diet...what a ugly little word...

I need to do something....I am so sick with my weight......Only I CAN CHANGE THE WAY I LOOK. I don't have a $$  for 7 day trainer, nor do I have any money for the big expensive loose weight programs like "Jenny Craig"or Neutrasystem .Those 2 programs do wonders, but they are also very expensive!!So like I said, only I can make this change, but I just don't have the "DRIVE" to do it.....Ugh!

Its really starting to effect me in my social life also. I don't go out....I just stay home...It has gotten really bad. It started to get worse a couple of weeks ago when I ran into some family members of Alvaro's. I went over to say hello and they acted like they didn't know me...I finally said "Its Karen, Cassandra's Mom"..and they looked at me with such shock in their faces. Spanish people don't hold back either. Oh you look so different, they said. When I walked away I could hear them say "She has gotten so heavy and old looking"...I wanted to melt into my purse....I felt like crap! But hey, its true and that's the worst part about it. I know that the Spanish people over dramatize things but something had to be there for them to say that. I know I am Not a pretty woman because I was never really a pretty girl but at least I always had my figure...I mean when I was six months pregnant I was only 99 pounds...I was SKINNY!!!!

So ,I am going to think long and hard this weekend. I have to make some changes in my life. My stress level does not help me these days at all but I have to find some inner peace with everything , or I will just keep "Blowing up" by the day...So, I'll see what my Inner self tells me this weekend, I hope its something Good, because I need it!...

Lol...

A Good 4th of July Weekend

What a weekend...rain, rain, rain...A storm came through that was so loud it really kept me up...I believe it was Friday night...OMG, I felt like there were guns right outside my window...It even bothered Bailey who is never phased by storms..He just kept barking at the big slaps of Thunder..Like he could bark them away, Lol. He stood at the corner of my bed just barking and barking, these storms went on for hours...UGH!

Otherwise the weekend was just calm and peaceful..I love to be able to sit home and just do nothing but veg out in front of the TV...It may sound lazy, but I DON'T CARE..
Its how I wanted to spend my weekend...Oh yea, and of course I ate all weekend also...so much for the "Watching what I eat" . The only time I did go out was to go to Publix or Starbucks..LOL...

I spoke to my BFF, Anne on the 4th for her Birthday. We did our normally 2 and half hours which is nothing for us...I do miss having her and my other friends around me. I do know if and when I do go to NJ they will always be there for me like I never Left. I do hear from one or two more than others but we all keep in touch most of the time and its a great group of girls, the best group a girl could have. I have been here 16 years almost and Anne is still the one I call when I am at my Witt's end or if I need support. I have 3 brothers, who are always there for me as well but there is nothing like "A girlfriend" who to me are like sisters..Anne of course is my sister. My dad always called Anne part of the family, she was his "Other Daughter" and she loved my family just as much, and of course I loved her parents and family just the same...In fact my cousin is planning a "Family Reunion" next year, the first in over 30 years(My mom has 10 Sisters and Brothers) and Anne will be there and all the Extended family members. Aunts, Uncles, and cousins all know Anne , so she is family to all of us.....Anne is the only one who can call my brother "paddy Paul" which is a Baby name his Godmother gave him, and my Brother HATES it and Anne knows it,...but Anne is the only one who can call him that without being punched in the face...LOL...

So, my life here in Florida has had its ups and downs but I did meet alot of Great people in the 16 years I have been here. Mostly Co-workers, and even though I don't work at JFK anymore I still feel close to all of them, as well as Joyce who has really been there for me in the past 2 years (Since JFK Booted me out)...I consider them my closest friends here in Florida..( I don't know if they feel the same ? But I do ).I am a very Shy person so when I get a friend I don't look for anymore...LOL...

My My My....How Long?

Wow, its been almost a year since I wrote in my blog...Not many read it but it  still gives me comfort to share my thoughts, and experiences on here....but I can't believe its been almost a year since I have...

Well, I am trying to start "fresh" I am so tired of having negative things happen to me in my life (not they that stopped) and talking about it in my blog and my journals. So what I did with my journals is throw them all away....I know - I know- your probably saying
"what the Hell"? , those are my thoughts and feelings since I started in 2001....I went through them and each Journal is dedicated to my daughter to have after I go...Why do I want her to know how much it hurt when my parents died? she was there, she knew. Or why do I want her to know how much I was hurt by Alvaro? She was there also...Cassandra and I are close as can be and I don't want to leave her journals of hurt, anger and sadness...I have started another journal and I call it "My New Journey"...This will be for Cassandra but it will have happy thoughts, some sad thoughts, meaningful sayings, etc. It will still be a journal that I share my thoughts and actions but it won't be one that will show SO MUCH negativity. Do I want my daughter and Grandson to remember "Gigi" that way? No...... I am going to really think about what I am putting in my Journal from now on..I will make sure I think it thru before I write it...so far so good. I started this back in February of this year and I am really loving it...Its not full of anger and hurt anymore...Of course I will have an occasional "bad day" in the book, but just not so many as I did in the other Journals...I think I was only writing my bad days for awhile there...Bad things are still going to happen, they happen to all of us. But I want to start enjoying the "Good Things" in life...and writing them down for Cassandra and Ayden to see...I want it to be a Journal (s) of Love...to be passed down to the ones I  love.......