Felt my age today....oh my!

Well today for the first time ever I felt my age. I was in the Cafeteria today hanging the decorations for my annual Benefits Fair and I was standing on something that wasn't that secure

which was my fault to begin with, and I was talking to the Director of Medical Records, Amy and all of a sudden I just tumbled down. But this time was diffrent. Normally I can catch myself the way I fell but today I had no control, I really "FELL DOWN HARD". I think I was more embarrased then hurting at the time. But it really made me think, this is the first time I had no control of my body, what will happen in 10 more years? I am going to be the big 50 this up coming year. I was not upset at all but now I'm not to sure. Hey, I did gymnastics, all over the place..!! I know you can't stay young for ever but I never realized this would start feeling like this? It has bothered me ever since it happend, and now that I am getting ready for bed I'm starting to feel the pain. They say I will be in more pain tomorrow but I can't think about it because I have my Benefits fair which I plan for all year long and I have vendors comming from all over so I have to be at my best! I do alot of running around making sure all the vendors have their materials that they shipped prior to the show. I have to get up at 4:30 am so I can leave by 5:45am because vendors start setting up by 6:00am. I hope I'm not to stiff in the morning but I will just have to "Kick it off". So life gives you alot of ups and downs as you grow and this is one of the "Downs" but this part of Life must go on and I guess I have to deal with it.

It's Been awhile....

Well I see it's been awhile since I last updated my blog. It's been a crazy week as always. Cassandra has been doing well in school and really seems to enjoy it. Ayden is active like normal but it seems to be more and more each day..I'm pooped! Last night we went to the Daycare annual Halloween Party. Ayden was so excited to go that he actually went "Poop in the potty". Cassandra has been trying forever to teach him how to do poops in the potty and he just wouldn't, he really would refuse to do it but last night Cassandra said if he didn't do poops in the potty he couldn't go to the Party. Well after getting upset for about a moment he went to the Potty and did it!. Ayden was so excited. Cassandra and I made a very big deal with it so he could see how happy we were... He even had Cassandra call "Santa Claus"to tell him that he did poops in the potty and he was being a good boy, it was so funny, so Cassandra pretended she was talking to Santa. He was so serious while Cassandra was on the phone, it was really precious! So for all the trouble Ayden can get into it's times like these where you just forget all that and see what a joy he really is.

P.S Check out Cassandra's blog she finally updated it. aydensmommie.blogspot.com

Ayden and the E.R...

Well Life is never dull here in my house. Ayden bumped his head at his Great-Grandparents house today, I was not there but Cassandra said he hit it hard. That was around 3:00p.m. So, around bed time, 7:30 pm Cassandra was cleaning him up and noticed that his ear was bleeding? She right away thought something went wrong from hitting his head. I really don't blame her. It is very scary when these things happen, you just don't know what to do. I have told her to just follow her "Gut" and go with it. Cassandra drove up to the E.R and Thank God
it was just a scatch on his ear drum and nothing else, but at least it eased Cassandra (and mine) mind.

Looking for the "Angel" in me

Well tomorrow afternoon I have been called to meet with Cassandra at Ayden's school regarding his bad behavior. The school have asked that I attend because I am so close to him. This is fine with me because I will do anything to help get Ayden thru this BUT the bad news is they also asked Dominic to attend. I was not happy about that but Cassandra said the teachers want to explain to him that his actions are very upsetting to Ayden, more than he knows. Alot of times the teachers see how Dominic is suppose to pick him up and never does. Finally they asked Cassandra and Dominic not to tell Ayden when Daddy is coming. The teachers say that when Ayden thinks Daddy is coming he waits by the door or he stares out the window. They believe that this is at least Part of Ayden's behavioral problems. Ayden has been acting up by throwing things at the kids or pushing the other kids and yesterday he bit one of them so he was called to the principle office. So as you can see I am going to have to "Hold" my tongue and bring out the "Angel" in me for this meeting with Dominic. I will try but I am not promising anything....

Where are you guys?

Well, am I the only one that enjoys blogging these days? (besides Rachel of course). I don't see anyone of my fellow blogger logging on for days (or weeks) at a time? I enjoy going on every day and hearing about my friends lives. The way my lifestyle is now I can't get on unless I'm at work or after 10:00p.m at night but I do get on . I know we are all busy and some of us lead crazy lives that we can't always get on but you all need to try harder. Life is to short and we all need to keep in touch one way or another. It's been even harder because I have not been able to get on the phone with Anne for our normal "2 Hour chat" or with Joyce to get the HCA Gossip. So as long as we give each other a little "Catch up" or even just a "Thought for the Day" I will be a happy blogger.

Stolen thoughts

I am stealing Joyce's thoughts for my blog today. When I read her blog about Diaries I had wished I started one when I was younger just to be able to go back and remember all the things I saw and felt. I did start a journal about a week after my dad died and I have kept one ever since. Each book I finish I have dedicated to My daughter so she can read about my thoughts thru the years. I think it's a wonderful keepsake.

I wish I could have kept one from my teenage days or even from the day that Cassandra was born. I do try and keep up with it as much as I can. Keeping this Journal has really kept me going on since my parents died. Have that loss of both parents going with in a 24 month period is really hard but writing in this journal makes me feel like I am talking to them again. It kind of

Bitter sweet...!! It's just a comfort for me.

My Giants...win win win...

Well my giants won again today, 44-6 and they made it look so easy...I know they didn't play a tough team but they really looked good!..Do I see another "Superbowl"?

I had Ayden mostly the whole Weekend since Cassandra went to universal and today she had her school clinical's (Which will now be

every weekend, besides the weekdays) so I did not see any of the

game, I tried but no way would he sit for 10 min. So we spent most

of the day out and about. But I saw alot of replays, etc.

Cassandra's Back.....................

Well, Cassandra is back from Universal. Ayden was happy to see her and so was I. Cassandra and Lance seemed to have a really good time, and she deserved it. Cassandra has been working full time and she is full time in school. She has wonderful grades and she maintains the growing relationship with Ayden. I thought this would all be so hard but Cassandra makes it look so easy. I have not seen Cassandra so happy for a long time. She loves to be in school, that is all she really ever wanted. Cass just wants a "Career" and I think now she has found it as well as herself. I am very proud of her. Cassandra still drives me "Crazy" with so many other things but I am so proud of her for pulling her life together and not just giving up. Alot of women who become "Single Moms" give up on themselves, Not Cassandra. She has never had the "Poor Me" I am alone with a child syndrome. Her Life just seems peaceful ......for now!

WHAT WAS SHE THINKING ??????

To this day I will never understand what my daughter was thinking when she hooked up with the Father of her son?? The only good, no Great thing that came out of that relationship was Ayden. Ayden is Cassandra's world and with him I understand "No Regrets" but I honestly wish Dominic stayed out of Ayden's life. Yes, it's sad to say but it will be 3 years in January that they broke things off and he still treats her like "Crap". Cassandra has moved on and has done very well for herself, I am proud of her. Dominic on the other hand is so immature it's crazy. He treats Cassandra so bad and talks to her so bad that I don't know what they even saw in each other? I am a person who gets over things very easily. If I argue with someone I get over it very quickly. But with Dominic every other month he starts "Drama" and every time he takes Ayden it's also " Drama". He argues with me time after time. I will never forget one time he called me to tell me that Cassandra looked in my journal once while they were together. He was totally "Tattling on her, and trying to cause problems between Cass and myself. I just laughed and said "Dominic, my journals are all dedicated to Cassandra so she will be reading them after I am gone one day so when and if she wants to look at my journals she can" He just hung up.. He makes Cassandra "PAY HIM" for his visits. He tells Cassandra that he does not have any money to buy the boy Milk or a McDonald's meal. Sometimes it "NO MONEY FOR GAS" no matter what it is Cassandra ends up giving him $10.00 to $ 15.00 each time he takes him. Isn't that Sick? Cassandra just gives in because of Ayden. He does love his Father, how ? I don't know because he hardly ever sees him. Cassandra recorded one of their conversations today so she can keep for their next court hearing. She played it for me this morning and I heard for myself how he speaks to Cassandra, it's disgusting! I am really proud of my daughter for putting up with this situation for Ayden's sake, because nobody deserves the verbal abuse she takes from that Man/Boy. I myself did not pick the best of fathers for Cass but at least I can say he always treated me with the up most respect because I was the mother of his child, he never forgot a mothers day, he always called or gave me something, Dominic has no glue...