HAPPY NEW YEAR ...AND HERE'S TO YOU

I want to start out by saying "Happy New Year" to everyone.

For me this year has been a long hard one. So many things happened to me that have never happened to me in my life. I was let go of a Job that I loved. Yes, it was stressful but I was working and I worked with some wonderful people whom I will miss very much. We all try and keep in touch but it's just not the same, you know talking about who will win" Dancing with the Stars" or what is up on "Desperate Housewives" and of course the Gossip....That is what I will miss the most. This year coming I am going to be 50 and I was so looking forward to the "Trashing" of my office (Which I did for many of my friends there). As I said, I will keep in touch with them but it won't be the same.

Also, this year we sold my Parents house. This was done basically for me so that I could get out of dept. We did not get what we wanted for it but honestly if we tried to sell it now we would not get half of what we sold it for. So that was "bitter sweet" and I know my brother Matt will miss it most, not only did he live there but he made it his own. He loved that house. I must say one thing I am grateful for is my brothers, they are pretty Cool...and I love them all......yes, guys even Pat.....!!

The best part of this past year was being able to take Ayden up to NJ to meet his "favorite" side of the family. My Brothers, Andrea, and the kids were just wonderful with Ayen and he in turned loved then. Yes, he met is "Great Uncle's. I will never forget Andrea's face when Ayden came up and gave her a hug and a kiss the first time he saw her. It was Katie's Weekend and yet Katie made it alot about Ayden as did Ryan. I have so many wonderful pictures of those few precious days and they are memories I will cherish for ever.

So I will close this blog on the last day of this "Bitter Sweet" year saying "Next Year Will be my Year" as I do every New Years Eve but this time I will really mean it. 2008 has "Woken me up" in so many ways that I know I have to make the coming year "My" year myself. As I have said before, "God gives us the Tools and we have to work with those tools" so to all of my dear friends and family I wish you all a very very Happy New Year..

Memories of Christmas Past.....

Today I am adding one photo. This photo says it all for me, it is a photo of

my mom and dads 1st Christmas together. Because of this photo we have had

so many many wonderful memories of Christmas. Our parents really taught us

what Christmas is all about....and now we pass on the same traditions our own.

This is the time of year that I miss them both so very much.....

Most of this Blog will be Pictures because for me 70% of my photo albums are from Christmas Passed. For me Christmas is "The most wonderful time of the year...." because anything that is going on in your life you just put on hold until after Christmas. Like me, I don't have a job but I will worry about that the day after Christmas, ( Believe me I will) First we must remember why we have Christmas and that is because of the birth of Jesus, and that is the number one reason. need to put aside our worries and think of the joy of Jesus "Birthday". Then of course there is "Santa Claus" We could not have the fun of Christmas with out him,. Then we have Family and Friends in with whom we share the spirit of Christmas.

As you see in the next few photos Cassandra ALWAYS got her wish......

Here is a rare Photo of ME and Cassandra because I don't like to see Photos of my self,,

Family and Friends are the best part of Christmas....

Mom and Ryan

Uncle Matt and Cassandra

Eddie, Andrea and Ryan's, His First Christmas

Patrick and Maggie...This is a much missed Christmas passed

Anne and I, we spent many a Christmas together..

Me and "My Girls".....

More to come tomorrow......

The Meaning Full ones

I am sure all of us have the "Special Ornaments" that either have a story behind it or a special meaning. I also sure everyone knows where they got their ornaments or who gave them to you. For me it's all of the above, so like Joyce before me I am going to show off some of my Special and Meaning full ornaments,

First is my little Irish Dancer which was given to me by my brother Matthew who always finds these neat little Irish things. Matthew is a true "Irish Man" and dam proud of it. We all are, and for me this is special not only because Matt gave it to me but Cassandra did Irish Dancing for a couple of years and my parents were so proud watching her. I remember one Christmas at Pat and Maggie's house and my Dad made Cassandra get up and do the "Jig" and the look on my parents face was just "Priceless" they were so proud of her dancing in front of all those people.

Next is my beautiful "Special Aunt" Angel ornament that was given to me by my Niece and Nephew, Katie and Ryan. I love this angel not only because they gave it to me but because it is such a beautiful Angel. In fact this angel is so special I keep it out all year round. It hangs in my dining area for all to see.

Here is my Bailey's ornament, it is so cute and it hangs right in the front of my tree. We always make sure that Bailey has a couple of bones or play toys for him to rip open on Christmas. I guess most of you have seen the famous Bailey under the tree that I take every year. Under the is Bailey's favorite place at Christmas time. This year he is having a little trouble because it's a new tree and it goes all the way down to the floor but he does still get in. Yesterday my tree started moving to the right of my living room, it was Bailey underneath...

This ornament is from my mother's tree. Every year my mother and her sisters would meet for dinner just around Christmas time. Each one of them would give a little gift to all and alot of them gave ornaments like this. Three years ago I started getting ornaments in the mail from two of my aunts and the card just says "You've taken your mom's place"

Here is just one of the Ornaments I have received from Anne. For a long time Anne has attached a cute little ornament on to my presents. So each year I add a new Ornament from my best Friend Anne.

Here is a Angel from the movie "its a wonderful Life (my favorite movie) At the end of the movie the little girl says "Teacher says every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings" so when I saw this in a small Christmas store some where I bought it for my tree.

Now this one is very very old, and it's not really an ornament it is a little doll. My mom told me that it was passed down by generations and I believe it goes back to my Great, Great, Great Grandma's tree maybe even longer. My mom was so proud to have it, so it has been passed down to me and I will pass it down to Cassandra or Katie. I prefer Katie because she will take care of it, Cassandra ???? (Sorry Cass).

Last but not least is my Angel tree topper. Honestly it's new just this year. I was looking for her for many years, I could never find just the perfect one but I think I found it.

This one I have had a very long time and I love it, in fact it is one of the first ornaments I bought for my tree when I first move here to Florida. I am a big fan, thanks to my dad.

As you can see I have a small theme going on here which is Angels. When I first moved to Florida I said I would buy a new Angel for my tree and in time I would have only Angels on my tree. But as you can see, some of them just mean too much to me.

it's that time of year......

As they say..."It's The most wonderful Time of the year" is really so true. No matter what is going on in my Life I can always be happy at this time of year, it's just the way I am. I also see it in Cassandra, she always loved Christmas and she is like a little kid at this time of year. But this year her son comes first. Cassandra picked me up after work the other day and her and I went shopping for Ayden and she was so happy doing it, I loved watching her.

Well here is a few ways I decorated my home, first off my Bedroom. I am in my room more than anything, it's my sanctuary...(Most of the time)

My Christmas tree is "New" This year, I bought one of those "Pull Up Tree" and I think it's beautifulI made the mistake of going to "Target" last week with Ayden and he saw this beautiful Christmas Decoration with "Yes, you got it a TRAIN" going round and round. He said he wanted it of course and I said "no" and he was so good about it I went back that night and bought it. No Sale, it was $50.00 Ssshhhhh don't tell me

brother Eddie...

Next are a few pictures around the house, my Living room table, my couch, and a few other places.

My Beautiful Kathryn Faith

Here is a photo of my niece Kathryn and a photo of the Disney star, Selena Gomez, notice a resemblance? I heard she is being compared to her at school, everyone says she could be a younger version of Selena, I agree. When I saw Katie in May she was just so beautiful, we miss her and her brother Ryan so much. A little about Katie? She loves to dance, she has been in dance class since she could walk. She plays the piano, she loves Hanna Montana/Mily Cyress and so much more that I may not know at all, with Kaite she can do it all if she wants. I give my brother Eddie and his wife, Andrea so much credit because both of these children know so much about me, Cassandra and Ayden, it's like we live there! Both of those children are so well mannered and polite. When went to their house in May it was like we see them all the time, they took Ayden in like he was their own, they loved him! Katie and Ryan adored him. Ayden thought Ryan was it, he loved following him around. I don't know if my brother's realize that Ayden makes them all "Great Uncles", so they can't tease me about being a "Grandma" too much. All said I really do miss my family and friends in New Jersey because they are all "Home" to me and it's time like this where you some of that "Home" feeling back. BUT life goes on as they say and I have to have faith that good things are coming for me and my family. I do miss everyone but I miss Katie, my Goddaughter alot. I am her Godmother and because of her parents she knows who I am and always will. She is just such a pretty Gorgeous little girl, and her heart is just as beautiful. "Miss you Katie"

My Partner...

Well it's Saturday, one week and a day since I was laid off, and the phone has stopped ringing my emails are back to normal, my cell phone is silent. Everyone has gone on with their lives as it should be. I will speak to everyone again from time to time, probably not as much since everyone has their own problems and I would be selfish in saying "What about me" so Life goes on as they say. I know my family and friends will always be there for me, I'm sure about that, but the one con stance I have in my life is my "Best Friend Bailey". As I move around he follows me all over, his face always look sad when I leave, he always is happy when I come home, he is just always there. I am on my bed right now like I have been every night this past week, doodling on the computer and I can look down right beside me, snuggled right up against me is Bailey, so content. I look down every once in a while and I just smile, he is such a comfort to me knowing he will always be happy with "Just Me" and Cassandra does come in a close 2nd for Bailey but that's only when she is sick (he knows) or I'm not home. Bailey just wants to be with me ALONE, anyone walks in my room he barks his brains out, yes even Cassandra. Forget Ayen this poor dog has taken, kicks, punches, teasing day after day by Ayden, and still he has never ever bitten him or snapped at him. I wish he would give him a snap just to teach him a lesson but since he was born Bailey has been Great with him, he knows and I feel so bad because he just looks at me with a look like "Help me". I am so grateful to have this wonderful dog and I wouldn't know what I would do with out him, especially now.

Dust my self off......

Well today is one week since I was Laid off as they call it, I call it "Thrown Away" but I know "Life Goes on" My life as changed from this day on, never to be the same again.

Sometimes I think it was for the best, and other days I say "Why Me" They give me all their reasons why but none of those reasons hold with me. I am very sad about leaving JFK but maybe it means I have to go through this before something better is coming, that is what everyone is telling me. I want to believe that and I will soon but I am still a little bit bitter, hurt and angry. I never thought my Director Denise would have let this happen to me. It just goes to show you how things can change "Like that" and happen when you least expect.

I have been so afraid of not finding a job. I have been on websites every nite up until 2:00am and I will keep looking. Trudy told me that they have 4 options coming up and as of today nothing has happened. They want me to believe in them but it's times like this it's hard to believe in them. I could say to them "Don't bother" but I need all the help I can get right now. I called my work phone number and it's gone already. If you dial my number at work it just just says "This extension is no longer a working number please call the main HR Extension" It's crazy because I still wake up in the morning and my first thought is "Work I have to get ready" that has happended to me at least 3 times this week. I also think about the projects I had going and for one small instant I think I will go onto work on Monday and fix it and then it hits me, I don't work there anymore, I don't know why I expected any thing different but it's only been a week. When they say "Your Gone" you are gone.

I guess I just have to "Pick myself up" and start all over again.I have to, all I have done all this week is just sat around feeling sorry for myself, emailing myco-workers and just looking for more heartache. So as of Monday I will:

1) Pick myself up

2) Dust my self off

3) and start all over again...

Only God knows how my life will go, and I have

faith he knows what is best for me. I would love to

say one day "It was the best thing for me getting laid off"

I can only hope

Still Crushed

Well I am still crushed from yesterday's lay off, I want to thank you for giving me some space for now, more than anything I need that now. I know my friends and family are with me on this but right now I need to be alone. I am not the kind of person who let's it all out, I truly need time.

I cleaned out my office and I was very professional and wrote notes on all my work to say where I was at in each project. I spent over a hour there by myself and by the time I was leaving and turning off my light I lost it all over again. It's really going to take some time I guess, my head is spinning right now..

Thanks for all your understanding FOR NOW..

My Darkest Day has arrived....................

Well it happened today, I was let go or as the company said "RIF" which means Reduction in Force. It took me by Surprise in a way but I also had a feeling. They say woman have instincts
and it's true, always Liston to them. The past 2 days I just noticed things, faces, atmosphere, etc.
I don't know what I'm going to do now, I feel like my world has come to a end. I know the feeling will be better day by day, but I can't help feeling betrayed. So many of my co-workers knew and they didn't tell me. My boss Denise is the worst, she took the day off like a chicken. It was told to me by my VP, Trudy Bromley whom I have only been working for about 2 years. Denise and I have worked together for almost 14 years. That Hurts!

I don't know what is next in my life, because JFK was it for me. I Honestly never thought this
would happen to me. I am so hurt and I feel liked I have been kicked in the face, HARD!

My blogs will continue now and then but until I "Get it Together" I won't be to vi sable. All I can say now is, LIFE SUCKS......

My Angels Mean the World to me.....

To start off this blog tonight I just want to say that Cassandra was hospitalized today and she is

just fine. She had once of her synop episodes which she has not had in almost 5 years. I just spoke to her and they said she was clear on the Echo test, which is a good sign. So, don't worry she will be just fine. So all that said:

Here are a just a few photos from my Angel Collection. One of my favorite is the one is the

one on the right side, it was given to me from Linda at work. It's a beautiful angel that has the

Lords Prayer on it. One of my other favorites is the one on the left side, It was given to me by

my brother Matthew, it's a Irish Angel. The one in the middle are a couple more that were either given to me or I bought. I put my Angels all over my house but the ones in the case/Glass are my favorite ones..I have been collection angels for alot of years, I just love them. Angels are something that just makes you feel good, or even just smile. Angels keep me spiritual, and I love

that about them. Angels are watching over us, I truly believe that and it comforts me each time I look at them.

My Dad's Birthday.....it's been a hard day

I know this day comes around every year but it still bothers me, and it seems to bother me more and more each year. I guess it's because I miss him so very Much. My Dad was my Rock, he always new what to do. My Dad was the kindness man you could ever meet. He loved to talk about his First Granddaughter Cassandra, he was so proud of her. My Dad, as well as my mom. helped me raise Cassandra. Cassandra respected them both, but with my Dad she was really good with. With my Dad he was never shy about saying I was number one in his life and Cassandra was number two, my brothers always heard that and it never bothered, they would just laugh. Its ashamed that my Niece Katie did not get to know either of her Grandparents, she was a easy "Runner up " for number one. My nephew Ryan at least got to know "Papo" for him that was his special name" Once my mom went so Suddenly my Dad could not go on, his heart was taken with my mom to heaven. His body started to breakdown and he was so ready to go. My dad wanted to be with my Mom. I say I was number one but in reality my Mom was number one, always. They had a special love. I never heard my parents Really fight. Maybe some stern words but never a yell. It broke his heart when Cassandra and I moved to Florida but it was something I had to do at the time. But my Dad was still my hero, any time I had a problem he knew how to fix it., I called him for everything. So, I could go on and on about my Dad but then there would be no end to this blog. I just want to say " Happy Birthday Dad" and I miss you more than you know, because my Dad loved me for who I am, he loved me unconditionally...as I loved him!

What a way to start off my weekend!

First of all I want to start off by saying that my daughter never looked at my posting today, because if she did she didn't try and defend her self, which tells me she never read it. I want
everyone who did read it, I am not letting go of this subject

Well the reason for this blog tonight is how my work day ended..There is a woman in my department and her name is Martha. Martha is a strange person. She seems to have a very
cold side to her, and it takes up more than just a side of her, alot more! For some reason Martha
does not like me. Martha and I have never had a cross word said to each other, but yet she is very cold to me in so many ways, Everyone says I am to sensitive and I take things to seriously so it has to be too much for me to talk about it. Yesterday I received a call from our IS person saying that had to switch the conference room computers. We have Orientation on Monday and we do use them. I then e-mailed Martha and Jennifer so they knew what was going on with the computers. Today at I received a call from IS asking if someone had downloaded are programs on to the new computer? I freaked and started calling people to do it for us. My office is directly across from Martha's office and we can hear each others conversations all the time so I know she heard me taking and also Jennifer and I talked about it and she was standing outside of Jennifer office. I finally found someone to do it for us because they had to do it also. When this person went to the new computer she said the programs were already on there? I said by who? she said she didn't know but they have access to do so. Then it dawned on me, Martha. I asked Jennifer to ask Martha because she was headed her way to the front office where Martha was. Well she nodded her head and yes, she had done it, she loaded the programs. Martha heard my conversations, she saw the email and she refused to tell me. I felt like a idiot. Most people would say to their co-workers "I did it" don't worry"but no, she just let me go on and on about it never saying one word. I am sensitive as everyone knows so I went it Linda's office an cried. Linda closed the door and I told her the whole story, but of course there was nothing she could do her hands are tied. Linda can't get involved I guess because she is a manager. If I tell Denise she will just say I am to sensitive, so I just have to "SUCK IT UP". For me I can't understand why people can't get along? We fight , we laugh, we cry but at the end of it all we co-workers and some are friends. Each person who gives respect should accept respect. Martha is nasty to everyone that is "Not Management. She has put a few lower ended employees to tears the way she talks to them. It is very sad that she is so unhappy that she has to act this way, I am sensitive but after so many times she has treated me nasty I get tired of it. When I am at the front desk telling a story about Ayden or the Benefit fair and Martha walks by, mind you everyone is standing there talking, but Martha gets her fax and walks away. Once I leave Martha goes outside to the front and proceeds to talk and talk. I will say good morning and if she sees somewhere around she says good morning but if she sees know one is there she just walks into her office not saying a word. So, it is well know in my office that Martha doesn't like me because everyone can see it, right down to her family visiting, her mom and Sister who also never say hello to me. I am so tired of certain people in my department acting like "it's no big deal, well not for them. At first I thought it was all my immagination but after so much time, it's not. I really thought I mattered to a couple of people in my Department but I guess I don't, not one person, not one...will help me with the situation. I guess that is why co-worker friendships are not the same anymore..I hate when people play games, it hurts....I use to love my job, especially coming in early to start out my day fresh and prepared to...That is all gone now....I guess it's true what that say "Times are changing" but not always for the better...and it seems also that people are "Just not Nice" anymore...

Somthing is wrong with this Picture............!

Well we are on week one of the new schedule for Cassandra (and I). Believe me tomorrow I will be Thinking to myself "Thank God It's Friday" Let's see what you all think. Cassandra gets up around 4:45 am to 5:00 am. and honestly I hear her leave so I get up myself. A little less than 2 hours later I am out the door after fighting with Ayden to dress him and his temper tantrtums just run into one day after the other. so, Cassandra works 5:30 am until 1: oopm and since she does not have the two classes she thought she had (she only has one, long story) she goes home to sleep. Then I come through the door around 5:30 to 6: 00 pm after picking up Ayden, going to Publix, and fighting with Ayden because he wants everything in the store. So , when I get home Cassandra is on the sofa sleeping. Then she proceeds to jump in the shower and run out the door for her night classes. So then I start my night by cleaning up after Cassandra, picking up her bowls, plates, empty soda cans, etc. I then put Ayden in his Pajamas, play trains with him, read the Polar Express to him and then we brush his teeth and start the main fight of the night, "Its is Bedtime Ayden" and here we go. On a normal night Ayden gets up at least 3 times and on a bad night he could get up maybe 10 or more...... So can you tell me what is wrong with this very large picture..........I sure could but that would be a whole other Blog posting....So like my Photo I am Frustrated with the situation because I am differently being taken advantage of now.. Am I wrong? or Right?..

Something Nice..Something Not so nice...here we go!

Lets' start with the "Not so Nice" Part:

Cassandra has to take a Pathology course which is only offered twice a week at 2:00p.m. She was told by her supervisor and her Director that it was O.K to leave twice a week to go...Well the Director Left and the Manger Donna is the interim Director who we all thought was nice..Well, not any more. Donna told Cassandra that she could not have one of her leads be out 2 days a week on half days. Cassandra offered to come in earlier on those days (Which is what she discussed with the previous Director) but Donna said No! So Cassandra had to step down from lead and go back to her old position as registrar for the Cath Lab. Problem with that? Her new hours are 5:30am until 1:oo pm...see where this is going..Yep, I am now having to dress Ayden in the morning, feed Ayden in the Morning and take him to school in the Morning. I love him to death but the mornings were my only "ME TIME" I had. So I take him and Pick him up now every day except Friday, I just take him and Cassandra has no School.

Now for the Nice News: (Which is nice for me)

As you can see in the Picture Alvaro did the tile on my shower floor. It looks so nice and clean. Before it was so dull with dark stains and black areas I could not get off since I moved in..It was the original Shower. Alvaro added some flowers and I really love it. He is going to knock up some of the wall tiles and add the flowers that are on the floor (That will come later). I also had bought the new doors for the shower a while back so the doors will go on either tomorrow or maybe even the weekend because he works, I work and I understand if he is to tired..Once he puts the door on I will take another photo so you get the whole effect.

So you see, something "Not Nice" always has Something "Nice" coming around the corner.

My Weekend

My weekend was crazy as always but good. Friday was Trick or Treating, Javi took Ayden all over his complex and did not get home until 10:30pm, Ayden was exhusted. Saturday was long because Alvaro came here around 9:30am and started the tile in my Shower which took all day until around 7:00 p.m. He still has to lay the grout but that can be done during the week, it does look nice. Sunday started off nice because I finally was able to talk to Anne, we hav been playing phone tag for awhile and when I'm watching Ayden its just not possible. So it was nice to have are none interuped 2 hour talk. The rest of the day was pretty calm, doing laudry, making a nice pork roast with patatoes and watching my Giants wining (So far so good, its the 4th quarter) So as always a nice weekend that was not long enough.

Felt my age today....oh my!

Well today for the first time ever I felt my age. I was in the Cafeteria today hanging the decorations for my annual Benefits Fair and I was standing on something that wasn't that secure

which was my fault to begin with, and I was talking to the Director of Medical Records, Amy and all of a sudden I just tumbled down. But this time was diffrent. Normally I can catch myself the way I fell but today I had no control, I really "FELL DOWN HARD". I think I was more embarrased then hurting at the time. But it really made me think, this is the first time I had no control of my body, what will happen in 10 more years? I am going to be the big 50 this up coming year. I was not upset at all but now I'm not to sure. Hey, I did gymnastics, all over the place..!! I know you can't stay young for ever but I never realized this would start feeling like this? It has bothered me ever since it happend, and now that I am getting ready for bed I'm starting to feel the pain. They say I will be in more pain tomorrow but I can't think about it because I have my Benefits fair which I plan for all year long and I have vendors comming from all over so I have to be at my best! I do alot of running around making sure all the vendors have their materials that they shipped prior to the show. I have to get up at 4:30 am so I can leave by 5:45am because vendors start setting up by 6:00am. I hope I'm not to stiff in the morning but I will just have to "Kick it off". So life gives you alot of ups and downs as you grow and this is one of the "Downs" but this part of Life must go on and I guess I have to deal with it.

It's Been awhile....

Well I see it's been awhile since I last updated my blog. It's been a crazy week as always. Cassandra has been doing well in school and really seems to enjoy it. Ayden is active like normal but it seems to be more and more each day..I'm pooped! Last night we went to the Daycare annual Halloween Party. Ayden was so excited to go that he actually went "Poop in the potty". Cassandra has been trying forever to teach him how to do poops in the potty and he just wouldn't, he really would refuse to do it but last night Cassandra said if he didn't do poops in the potty he couldn't go to the Party. Well after getting upset for about a moment he went to the Potty and did it!. Ayden was so excited. Cassandra and I made a very big deal with it so he could see how happy we were... He even had Cassandra call "Santa Claus"to tell him that he did poops in the potty and he was being a good boy, it was so funny, so Cassandra pretended she was talking to Santa. He was so serious while Cassandra was on the phone, it was really precious! So for all the trouble Ayden can get into it's times like these where you just forget all that and see what a joy he really is.

P.S Check out Cassandra's blog she finally updated it. aydensmommie.blogspot.com

Ayden and the E.R...

Well Life is never dull here in my house. Ayden bumped his head at his Great-Grandparents house today, I was not there but Cassandra said he hit it hard. That was around 3:00p.m. So, around bed time, 7:30 pm Cassandra was cleaning him up and noticed that his ear was bleeding? She right away thought something went wrong from hitting his head. I really don't blame her. It is very scary when these things happen, you just don't know what to do. I have told her to just follow her "Gut" and go with it. Cassandra drove up to the E.R and Thank God
it was just a scatch on his ear drum and nothing else, but at least it eased Cassandra (and mine) mind.

Looking for the "Angel" in me

Well tomorrow afternoon I have been called to meet with Cassandra at Ayden's school regarding his bad behavior. The school have asked that I attend because I am so close to him. This is fine with me because I will do anything to help get Ayden thru this BUT the bad news is they also asked Dominic to attend. I was not happy about that but Cassandra said the teachers want to explain to him that his actions are very upsetting to Ayden, more than he knows. Alot of times the teachers see how Dominic is suppose to pick him up and never does. Finally they asked Cassandra and Dominic not to tell Ayden when Daddy is coming. The teachers say that when Ayden thinks Daddy is coming he waits by the door or he stares out the window. They believe that this is at least Part of Ayden's behavioral problems. Ayden has been acting up by throwing things at the kids or pushing the other kids and yesterday he bit one of them so he was called to the principle office. So as you can see I am going to have to "Hold" my tongue and bring out the "Angel" in me for this meeting with Dominic. I will try but I am not promising anything....

Where are you guys?

Well, am I the only one that enjoys blogging these days? (besides Rachel of course). I don't see anyone of my fellow blogger logging on for days (or weeks) at a time? I enjoy going on every day and hearing about my friends lives. The way my lifestyle is now I can't get on unless I'm at work or after 10:00p.m at night but I do get on . I know we are all busy and some of us lead crazy lives that we can't always get on but you all need to try harder. Life is to short and we all need to keep in touch one way or another. It's been even harder because I have not been able to get on the phone with Anne for our normal "2 Hour chat" or with Joyce to get the HCA Gossip. So as long as we give each other a little "Catch up" or even just a "Thought for the Day" I will be a happy blogger.

Stolen thoughts

I am stealing Joyce's thoughts for my blog today. When I read her blog about Diaries I had wished I started one when I was younger just to be able to go back and remember all the things I saw and felt. I did start a journal about a week after my dad died and I have kept one ever since. Each book I finish I have dedicated to My daughter so she can read about my thoughts thru the years. I think it's a wonderful keepsake.

I wish I could have kept one from my teenage days or even from the day that Cassandra was born. I do try and keep up with it as much as I can. Keeping this Journal has really kept me going on since my parents died. Have that loss of both parents going with in a 24 month period is really hard but writing in this journal makes me feel like I am talking to them again. It kind of

Bitter sweet...!! It's just a comfort for me.

My Giants...win win win...

Well my giants won again today, 44-6 and they made it look so easy...I know they didn't play a tough team but they really looked good!..Do I see another "Superbowl"?

I had Ayden mostly the whole Weekend since Cassandra went to universal and today she had her school clinical's (Which will now be

every weekend, besides the weekdays) so I did not see any of the

game, I tried but no way would he sit for 10 min. So we spent most

of the day out and about. But I saw alot of replays, etc.

Cassandra's Back.....................

Well, Cassandra is back from Universal. Ayden was happy to see her and so was I. Cassandra and Lance seemed to have a really good time, and she deserved it. Cassandra has been working full time and she is full time in school. She has wonderful grades and she maintains the growing relationship with Ayden. I thought this would all be so hard but Cassandra makes it look so easy. I have not seen Cassandra so happy for a long time. She loves to be in school, that is all she really ever wanted. Cass just wants a "Career" and I think now she has found it as well as herself. I am very proud of her. Cassandra still drives me "Crazy" with so many other things but I am so proud of her for pulling her life together and not just giving up. Alot of women who become "Single Moms" give up on themselves, Not Cassandra. She has never had the "Poor Me" I am alone with a child syndrome. Her Life just seems peaceful ......for now!

WHAT WAS SHE THINKING ??????

To this day I will never understand what my daughter was thinking when she hooked up with the Father of her son?? The only good, no Great thing that came out of that relationship was Ayden. Ayden is Cassandra's world and with him I understand "No Regrets" but I honestly wish Dominic stayed out of Ayden's life. Yes, it's sad to say but it will be 3 years in January that they broke things off and he still treats her like "Crap". Cassandra has moved on and has done very well for herself, I am proud of her. Dominic on the other hand is so immature it's crazy. He treats Cassandra so bad and talks to her so bad that I don't know what they even saw in each other? I am a person who gets over things very easily. If I argue with someone I get over it very quickly. But with Dominic every other month he starts "Drama" and every time he takes Ayden it's also " Drama". He argues with me time after time. I will never forget one time he called me to tell me that Cassandra looked in my journal once while they were together. He was totally "Tattling on her, and trying to cause problems between Cass and myself. I just laughed and said "Dominic, my journals are all dedicated to Cassandra so she will be reading them after I am gone one day so when and if she wants to look at my journals she can" He just hung up.. He makes Cassandra "PAY HIM" for his visits. He tells Cassandra that he does not have any money to buy the boy Milk or a McDonald's meal. Sometimes it "NO MONEY FOR GAS" no matter what it is Cassandra ends up giving him $10.00 to $ 15.00 each time he takes him. Isn't that Sick? Cassandra just gives in because of Ayden. He does love his Father, how ? I don't know because he hardly ever sees him. Cassandra recorded one of their conversations today so she can keep for their next court hearing. She played it for me this morning and I heard for myself how he speaks to Cassandra, it's disgusting! I am really proud of my daughter for putting up with this situation for Ayden's sake, because nobody deserves the verbal abuse she takes from that Man/Boy. I myself did not pick the best of fathers for Cass but at least I can say he always treated me with the up most respect because I was the mother of his child, he never forgot a mothers day, he always called or gave me something, Dominic has no glue...

Ayden's Birthday

We celebrated Ayden's 3rd Birthday this weekend. We had a small party at his Great Grandparents house. We just had the Garcia's (Minus Ana who is in Colombia so it was safe) and also Marcela and her gang. It was really nice, we had some food and cake and that was it. Ayden could hardly wait to open his presents, he was eyeing the pile all night long. We wanted to start the party around 4:00 pm but you know how that goes with the Garcia's. I called around 3:30 pm to let them know I was running a little behind and Paola laughed and said "Oh please Karen we are all here just starting to take showers." Needless to say we took are time and nothing really got going until at least 6:00p.m. but it was nice. We got home alot later for Ayden's bedtime, (10:30) so he went right out...and so did I. His mother had a going away party to go to so her night was just beginning. Today, we continued his Birthday and gave him presents from us which he enjoyed and better yet it kept him busy all day, so again he was pooped for bedtime.

We should have more weekends like this...sleep time is a dream!!!!

Why can't people just be nice?...it's not hard!

Work For me use to be "my World" I would go in around 7:oo am and I never left much before 5:00 p.m or longer. I always had so much work that the day would fly by plus I loved my job. I have grown so much in my job from Day 1. I broke my butt proving to my boss that I was worth promoting. I was promoted about 3 times since I have been there with the $$ to show it. I was happy there! I was the
"Teachers Pet" I knew that and so did everyone else. Denise thought I did no wrong and honestly it made my life at work easy and fun. All my office mates then new this and would tease me all the time. Never did anyone of them show me any kind of bad illness for this, we all got along. Then as the years go by we have had additions enter our department and some of them have been nice and others have just come and gone. These days the ones we have are just so "evil" that you can't understand how or why people treat people this way? I was brought up to respect people because you want the same respect in return, so for me the word Family means respect, the word friends mean respect and I thought the word co-workers meant respect but I was wrong. I now work with people who thrive on hurting other or just thrive on being "#1" no matter how they get there. For me I have tried to be friendly, just nice, or even ignoring these people but they just beat you down. I know I am very sensitive and I have been told that over and over again but for me I just can't understand why people can't just be nice? It boggles MY MIND. I have to work with these people day after day so it is the most stressful kind of pain because it just eats away at your stress level. I go to work each day saying to myself "I am going to ignore these people today and just get on with my day" but then it's 9:oo am and both people have either hurt me in some way or just "Set me off" in some way..It is so exhausting!
Maybe I am sensitive but seeing how I am treated and how others are treated at work by these people I would rather be "Supper Sensitive....any day!

We made a Deal

Well Cassandra and I had a real Heart to Heart talk this weekend. We both had something we wanted to talk to each other about. I told her that for many years I cleaned up after her and that was wrong.Cassandra is not a pig but she sure can become a "Tornado" coming through the house. Cassandra has a very bad habit of not picking up after herself until I Scream at her do it.
For a while she said she would help me clean up during the weekends but that didn't last long.

Cassandra wanted to talk to me about her discipline of Ayden. Cassandra asked if I would "Back off" and not put in my 2 cents, which I do. I can not stand there and Listen to him crying I am a talker and Cassandra is a Yeller. Ayden is very bright boy so he knows he can act up when I am caring for him.

So, the deal is she would take charge of her cleaning and I will "Butt out" We want to see how this works. We both need it to get along better. It's not that we don't get along but it will stop me from being angry all the time at her..I am NOT a clean freak but I like it to look ne. Believe me I know how hard it is to have 3 year old running around, but together we will Deal!

A new Start

I took this photo Yesterday, it's a photo of Marcela's son Jason home from the Navy. Jason looks fantastic and I on the other hand look FAT. Yes, I know I have gained weight but I never realized how much? Honestly it's mostly my outfit, I can say that because I know the shirt was big on me and that sometimes makes you look bigger but Yes I am Fat! Lately I just didn't care because it really didn't bother me. I have no one "Special to look good for which is a terrible way to be. If I was happy with the way I look I would be fine but after seeing this photo I realized how much I don't like the way I look. So, I am not going to go on and on about this I will just do something about it. I know I will never be "Twiggy" again but at least I will be doing it for me so I can Like myself because that is what is important. I don't want to hear from Anyone, "Oh Karen your not fat" because I don't need to have anyone make me feel better, only I have the power to do that for this subject anyway. Believe me having friends not only makes me feel better it makes me feel safe. I don't have a Whole bunch of friends like Cassandra does but I do have very "Faithful " Friends and ones I can always count on.

My day off is Over.....BIG TIME!

Well Cassandra went back to School tonight and I am back into "Nite Nite" Time. Cassandra said it would be alot easier tonight because she had to pick him up from daycare today because he had pink eye. One of the kids in his class had it a week ago so they believe that's how he got it. Cassandra picked up Ayden to take him to the Doctor just before nap time so she brought him home and never gave him a nap...did it work? The jury is still out. It's 8:40 and it's the first time I sat down since I got home. Cassandra left at 6:00 pm or so and asked me to set up her new cell phone so Ayden was playing on the back porch. I turned around after 10 minutes and my entire living room floor was covered with Sand from his Sand box, so it has taken me this long to sweep, get him ready for bed and finally relax..Last night he was up from 1:30 am until 4:15 am arguing with Cassandra in the hallway about everything under the sun, so I finally got up, yelled a little and everyone went back to bed. Needless to say I never went back to sleep but they did!
So, I am so glad that things are back to Normal.... (well my normal)

Part 2 of "Drama-Drama-Drama

As you saw in my previous post my daughter was so distraught about her classes/grades. Well today she calls me at work to tell me "it was all a big mistake mom" ....Yes, once again my daughter jumped no leaped into the wrong information regarding her school. It seems after she left School on Friday so upset the school tried to get back in touch with her to tell her that the exams were graded "in-Correctly "So all of her "DRAMA" on Friday was for nothing..The school called her cell and she lost her cell and the e-mail address she gave them was her e-mail from work, so all that worry for NOTHING!!!! So the happy face you see here is "Happy once again"Believe me life with Cassandra is never ever dull but I love her to death so the Drama that comes with her is just fine Sometimes)...........She is MY Drama Queen..