New Begining for me......

This is the time of year where I feel "starts my new year" for many many years now I have been ing to church on Good Friday between the hours of 1:00pm and 3:00pm because according to the scripture this is the time of death for Jesus. I sit, I pray and I listen. It may sound silly to some people but I can feel many things sitting there. I definitely feel the presence of the Lord and I feel peaceful and I always feel loved. I seat and go thru my entire year and what has happened and what I would like to happen in the up coming year.




This all started 27 years ago when I had Cassandra. Just before I knew I was pregnant my life was so depressing. I had just broken up with Al (or he left me for someone else for the 2nd time) and I so desperately wanted to know if I would ever get him out of my life and will I ever be happy again? I asked God to give me a sign, a sign showing me that I would always be in love with Al or if I should move on. Well needless to say that Monday I went to the Doctor and the rest is history.


This year I will do the same as always, sit, listen, and pray but this year I will try and listen more because I have a strong feeling that something is coming up in my life and I don't know if it's good or bad. I will pray for Good but God sends us what we need, good or bad. I trust in God that he knows what is best and if I have to go thru a few more "Bad Times" I will take it as I see it.

I also believe that God has sent Angels to watch over us but I also feel there are more than usual, why I don't know. Angels are my saving grace, I believe so much in Angeles and the reason for that is I had one once. It was when I had Cassandra and I was in the Hospital. I was not very happy at all because I knew I was giving her up to an adoption agency. This was the 2nd day of my stay. My mom and dad didn't know but I was feeding her and walking down to the nursery to see her like a normal "Mother and Daughter" Bonding moments. I loved that little girl so very much. The next evening I was in my Hospital bed and it as very late, sometime around 1:00am or so. A nurse came in and asked why I was crying. I knew I wasn't crying loud and I said "I am so sorry I didn't know anyone could hear me" She never answered the question she just said "How can I help" and she sat on the side of my bed. This Nurse talked to me as if she knew me forever, she knew what my heart was feeling, she knew what I was thinking and she was just so encouraging . She spoke to me about keeping Cassandra because she knew that is what I really wanted. I needed to follow my heart, etc. She spoke with such wisdom I was laying on her every word. We must have talked for hours because the sun was coming up when she left. I then drifted off to sleep and she left. Well the next day was the day I was suppose to go home WITH OUT MY DAUGHTER, she was going to stay in the Hospital because she went under 5 lbs. When it came time for my mom and dad to pick me up I just broke down and told them all what I was feeling. They supported me totally and the rest is History as you know it. The strange thing is on the day I went to pick up Cassandra from the Hospital I asked the charge nurse if she knew where I could find this Nurse I was speaking to? I knew the name and what she looked like but the strange thing is nobody there ever heard of her? I had them look up and down, looking in all over the Hospital and there was Nobody there that fit this description. That is when I knew, I had a Angel. I am sure I have had many Angels in my lifetime but this is the one I remember so well and I will never forget....


So this is why I love this time of year and I always feel renewed and ready to take on Anything in my life, Good or bad. I have had alot if bad this past year so I am hoping for some Good this time but as you know "Only God Knows".....