STILL

STILL MISSING THIS FACE  ( 5 Days and counting) I believe my daughter has loss the  "Caring Chip"  by not bringing this little face by my house....Out of Sight-Out of Mind I guess!!!

Did I raise her? Or did her father raise her because he also missed that piece of chip...!

That Face....

I miss this face.....):

Hard Weekend

Well, I am sure you know how hard this weekend was for me...it was !!! Each day will get better I know that but I am trying to put my mind on "Getting on with it" meaning "Move on Karen" because I have to. What is done is done and Cassandra is 28 years old and I am 51 years old and this needed to happen one day so now is the time. Thinking about it now I realize I have never really lived alone. In the past 30 years almost I have lived with Cassandra and before that my parents and for a little while I lived with my BFF Anne in NJ.

So this is a whole new experience for me. Thank God for my little Bailey who is by my side 24/7 when I am home. I don't know what I would do with out him...I love that little dog to death! I felt so bad for him because he adored Cassandra as much as he does me and Cassandra was his 2nd place to go when I am not around. Every morning when I left Bailey went running into Cassandra's room to be with her. Not Ayden but Cassandra. Cassandra works but she works more in the afternoon and evenings so she was always home in the Mornings and sometimes until 3-4pm so he was spoiled in the way he always had someone at home for most of the day. BUT now he is going to be alone from 7:30am until maybe after 5:00pm depending on when I get out. I told Cassandra to visit him once in a while but you know how that goes..LOL
Out of site out of mind....LOL.. She loves Bailey also but she is not going to change her ways for him...LOL.

So that is the story FOR NOW..

Holding my Breath....

Well they say things come in 3's...First day of the week, Monday, I was diagnosed with a Cancerous Blood disease (similar to what my mom had when she passed away) , then my daughter and her boyfriend announced they are moving out this weekend...sooooooo...what will the 3rd thing be? It gives me chills to even think about it....all I can do is sit and wait I guess...???

What a week? I never saw any of it coming...!!

TGIF

For some reason I am excited that it's Friday..I have NOTHING Planned for this weekend except for the normal, Laundry, Cleaning, Etc. but I am looking forward to it. I am hoping my Netflix comes by tomorrow because I ordered the first season of "Housewives of NJ"...I never saw the show but my friends in NJ have all told me that it is the BEST SHOW EVER...LOL...The past few days I have been speaking to 4 of them via Facebook and they are all talking about the shows and I felt Excluded..LOL. So they told me that the 1st season is on DVD and that the new season just started so I will give it a try and I am sure I will like it from what I have been hearing about... 

It's been a lonely week with out having Joyce in my office for the last week and half  but she comes back on Monday and we have alot to "Chat" about! We are also going to Celebrate Joyce's Birthday since she was off on her Birthday.."What aSurprise".LOL So we will have a nice lunch and then my day will be cut short on Monday because I have a Doctor's visit to go to...They have taken more blood from me then they ever have before and it's a little scary but I have to have the faith that this is all going to be fine,so I will keep posted....

Don't Get it...???

I just don't get it when it comes to these mortgage companies? I have been dealing with mine for over a year now and we still have no settlement. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that they are trying to work out a new payment so they don't foreclose on me but how many packets will they send me before they "Get it"?

So far have received 5 packets of new payment plans and 4 out of the 5 were for the same payment, only going down by $75.00 from my high monthly payment. How is that helping me?

Well yesterday I got another FedEx package with yes another Mortgage payment offer and this time they want me to pay $1.594.00 and this is $100.00 cheaper than the last packet...so we are making a little progress but there is still no way I could pay that...Who could on what I make....NO WAY! and honestly I make pretty good money (Not what I had before, when I bought this house) and it should be enough to keep my house and still have $$ left to pay other bills...well not with this Payment...I send my financial sheet every single month and they have to come up with a payment based on the financial sheet....if I paid this payment every month I would have a total of about $600.00 to pay electric, water, home owners, food, gas, etc. Now who could do that? I would live like a hermit because I wouldn't have money to do anything?

My point here is WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DO A NEW APPRAISAL on the house???? That would totally bring down the payment...Its crazy....but I will keep doing what I am doing until they say they can not work with me anymore. Then I will start looking for a apartment...I hate the thought of it but this looks like it's going to take that road. The only way I could afford this house now is if they did a appraisal and it doesn't look like they will be doing that....I just want it settled before the fall, Christmas, etc. I hate the thought of having to move out by the holidays because that would REALLY brake my heart..!!

And my heart will be broken anyway when my daughter and Grandson move out next month.....now that will be a whole other blog to read...LOL.. (I will give you a hint, My grandson Ayden has already told his mom that he has  chosen to stay in Gigi's house and she and Lance can move out..)

FINALLY....!!!

I am soooo excited to see that "Blogspot" finally got with it and put more into their designs....!! I can now have a blog I can be proud of...The colors, the templates, etc are all GREAT! Designing my blog has been one of my goals and now I can complete out having to download templates from other websites....



So expect to see ALOT of changes to my blog in the up coming weeks and months...who knows maybe this
will make me come on more and post more...lol..

I am thrilled..!!!

Life....

I can't really say "Why am I so low these days" because I know why, LIFE is why. It will creep up on you and before you know what happened it "Blows Up" in your face. I try to take one day as it comes but its hard. I have always been that way. I worry about tomorrow, and what is going to happen if??? and I need to stop...I was doing so good for a while and I even wrote it on my profile...But these days it's getting so hard.

Needless to say my life has changed immensely in the past 2 years. It all started when I was let go from my job of 14 years. Yes, I lived through it and Yes, I have a good job now but why can't I get over it? When I made the choice to leave for Florida 15 years ago I left a job of 12 years there in NJ, and it was my choice so I guess that is the difference. When I left NJ my best friend through me a going away party of almost 200 people and a quarter of them was from my job. Not just office people but EVERYONE came, including the people that worked in the factory of my company. Some or should I say most of them didn't even speak English but they were there for me...I worked for a company of maybe 30 people and I can safely say almost 90% of them were there...not bad. I am still in touch with some of them today.

But this time it wasn't my choice, I guess that is the difference here. But honestly it may have been the best thing for me for many reasons, and I am very comfortable saying that. Yes, alot of things are "Not Good" right now but if I was there I think it would have been 10 times worse. I was stabbed there, even before I was let go and I knew it but just didn't want to admits it.

I am not surrounded by people that care for me anymore. I am surrounded by people who truly love me. I don't have as many as I did say 10 years ago but I am happy with my choices and I know that some may not be good in the long run but I also know that some will be the best choices I made in my lifetime. I have a whole new "Outlook" on life these days, maybe it's age? Maybe it's the people in my life that have hurt me? or maybe it's just how it should be and if that's what it is then I am going to accept what ever comes my way.