My Beautiful Kathryn Faith

Here is a photo of my niece Kathryn and a photo of the Disney star, Selena Gomez, notice a resemblance? I heard she is being compared to her at school, everyone says she could be a younger version of Selena, I agree. When I saw Katie in May she was just so beautiful, we miss her and her brother Ryan so much. A little about Katie? She loves to dance, she has been in dance class since she could walk. She plays the piano, she loves Hanna Montana/Mily Cyress and so much more that I may not know at all, with Kaite she can do it all if she wants. I give my brother Eddie and his wife, Andrea so much credit because both of these children know so much about me, Cassandra and Ayden, it's like we live there! Both of those children are so well mannered and polite. When went to their house in May it was like we see them all the time, they took Ayden in like he was their own, they loved him! Katie and Ryan adored him. Ayden thought Ryan was it, he loved following him around. I don't know if my brother's realize that Ayden makes them all "Great Uncles", so they can't tease me about being a "Grandma" too much. All said I really do miss my family and friends in New Jersey because they are all "Home" to me and it's time like this where you some of that "Home" feeling back. BUT life goes on as they say and I have to have faith that good things are coming for me and my family. I do miss everyone but I miss Katie, my Goddaughter alot. I am her Godmother and because of her parents she knows who I am and always will. She is just such a pretty Gorgeous little girl, and her heart is just as beautiful. "Miss you Katie"

My Partner...

Well it's Saturday, one week and a day since I was laid off, and the phone has stopped ringing my emails are back to normal, my cell phone is silent. Everyone has gone on with their lives as it should be. I will speak to everyone again from time to time, probably not as much since everyone has their own problems and I would be selfish in saying "What about me" so Life goes on as they say. I know my family and friends will always be there for me, I'm sure about that, but the one con stance I have in my life is my "Best Friend Bailey". As I move around he follows me all over, his face always look sad when I leave, he always is happy when I come home, he is just always there. I am on my bed right now like I have been every night this past week, doodling on the computer and I can look down right beside me, snuggled right up against me is Bailey, so content. I look down every once in a while and I just smile, he is such a comfort to me knowing he will always be happy with "Just Me" and Cassandra does come in a close 2nd for Bailey but that's only when she is sick (he knows) or I'm not home. Bailey just wants to be with me ALONE, anyone walks in my room he barks his brains out, yes even Cassandra. Forget Ayen this poor dog has taken, kicks, punches, teasing day after day by Ayden, and still he has never ever bitten him or snapped at him. I wish he would give him a snap just to teach him a lesson but since he was born Bailey has been Great with him, he knows and I feel so bad because he just looks at me with a look like "Help me". I am so grateful to have this wonderful dog and I wouldn't know what I would do with out him, especially now.

Dust my self off......

Well today is one week since I was Laid off as they call it, I call it "Thrown Away" but I know "Life Goes on" My life as changed from this day on, never to be the same again.

Sometimes I think it was for the best, and other days I say "Why Me" They give me all their reasons why but none of those reasons hold with me. I am very sad about leaving JFK but maybe it means I have to go through this before something better is coming, that is what everyone is telling me. I want to believe that and I will soon but I am still a little bit bitter, hurt and angry. I never thought my Director Denise would have let this happen to me. It just goes to show you how things can change "Like that" and happen when you least expect.

I have been so afraid of not finding a job. I have been on websites every nite up until 2:00am and I will keep looking. Trudy told me that they have 4 options coming up and as of today nothing has happened. They want me to believe in them but it's times like this it's hard to believe in them. I could say to them "Don't bother" but I need all the help I can get right now. I called my work phone number and it's gone already. If you dial my number at work it just just says "This extension is no longer a working number please call the main HR Extension" It's crazy because I still wake up in the morning and my first thought is "Work I have to get ready" that has happended to me at least 3 times this week. I also think about the projects I had going and for one small instant I think I will go onto work on Monday and fix it and then it hits me, I don't work there anymore, I don't know why I expected any thing different but it's only been a week. When they say "Your Gone" you are gone.

I guess I just have to "Pick myself up" and start all over again.I have to, all I have done all this week is just sat around feeling sorry for myself, emailing myco-workers and just looking for more heartache. So as of Monday I will:

1) Pick myself up

2) Dust my self off

3) and start all over again...

Only God knows how my life will go, and I have

faith he knows what is best for me. I would love to

say one day "It was the best thing for me getting laid off"

I can only hope

Still Crushed

Well I am still crushed from yesterday's lay off, I want to thank you for giving me some space for now, more than anything I need that now. I know my friends and family are with me on this but right now I need to be alone. I am not the kind of person who let's it all out, I truly need time.

I cleaned out my office and I was very professional and wrote notes on all my work to say where I was at in each project. I spent over a hour there by myself and by the time I was leaving and turning off my light I lost it all over again. It's really going to take some time I guess, my head is spinning right now..

Thanks for all your understanding FOR NOW..

My Darkest Day has arrived....................

Well it happened today, I was let go or as the company said "RIF" which means Reduction in Force. It took me by Surprise in a way but I also had a feeling. They say woman have instincts
and it's true, always Liston to them. The past 2 days I just noticed things, faces, atmosphere, etc.
I don't know what I'm going to do now, I feel like my world has come to a end. I know the feeling will be better day by day, but I can't help feeling betrayed. So many of my co-workers knew and they didn't tell me. My boss Denise is the worst, she took the day off like a chicken. It was told to me by my VP, Trudy Bromley whom I have only been working for about 2 years. Denise and I have worked together for almost 14 years. That Hurts!

I don't know what is next in my life, because JFK was it for me. I Honestly never thought this
would happen to me. I am so hurt and I feel liked I have been kicked in the face, HARD!

My blogs will continue now and then but until I "Get it Together" I won't be to vi sable. All I can say now is, LIFE SUCKS......

My Angels Mean the World to me.....

To start off this blog tonight I just want to say that Cassandra was hospitalized today and she is

just fine. She had once of her synop episodes which she has not had in almost 5 years. I just spoke to her and they said she was clear on the Echo test, which is a good sign. So, don't worry she will be just fine. So all that said:

Here are a just a few photos from my Angel Collection. One of my favorite is the one is the

one on the right side, it was given to me from Linda at work. It's a beautiful angel that has the

Lords Prayer on it. One of my other favorites is the one on the left side, It was given to me by

my brother Matthew, it's a Irish Angel. The one in the middle are a couple more that were either given to me or I bought. I put my Angels all over my house but the ones in the case/Glass are my favorite ones..I have been collection angels for alot of years, I just love them. Angels are something that just makes you feel good, or even just smile. Angels keep me spiritual, and I love

that about them. Angels are watching over us, I truly believe that and it comforts me each time I look at them.

My Dad's Birthday.....it's been a hard day

I know this day comes around every year but it still bothers me, and it seems to bother me more and more each year. I guess it's because I miss him so very Much. My Dad was my Rock, he always new what to do. My Dad was the kindness man you could ever meet. He loved to talk about his First Granddaughter Cassandra, he was so proud of her. My Dad, as well as my mom. helped me raise Cassandra. Cassandra respected them both, but with my Dad she was really good with. With my Dad he was never shy about saying I was number one in his life and Cassandra was number two, my brothers always heard that and it never bothered, they would just laugh. Its ashamed that my Niece Katie did not get to know either of her Grandparents, she was a easy "Runner up " for number one. My nephew Ryan at least got to know "Papo" for him that was his special name" Once my mom went so Suddenly my Dad could not go on, his heart was taken with my mom to heaven. His body started to breakdown and he was so ready to go. My dad wanted to be with my Mom. I say I was number one but in reality my Mom was number one, always. They had a special love. I never heard my parents Really fight. Maybe some stern words but never a yell. It broke his heart when Cassandra and I moved to Florida but it was something I had to do at the time. But my Dad was still my hero, any time I had a problem he knew how to fix it., I called him for everything. So, I could go on and on about my Dad but then there would be no end to this blog. I just want to say " Happy Birthday Dad" and I miss you more than you know, because my Dad loved me for who I am, he loved me unconditionally...as I loved him!

What a way to start off my weekend!

First of all I want to start off by saying that my daughter never looked at my posting today, because if she did she didn't try and defend her self, which tells me she never read it. I want
everyone who did read it, I am not letting go of this subject

Well the reason for this blog tonight is how my work day ended..There is a woman in my department and her name is Martha. Martha is a strange person. She seems to have a very
cold side to her, and it takes up more than just a side of her, alot more! For some reason Martha
does not like me. Martha and I have never had a cross word said to each other, but yet she is very cold to me in so many ways, Everyone says I am to sensitive and I take things to seriously so it has to be too much for me to talk about it. Yesterday I received a call from our IS person saying that had to switch the conference room computers. We have Orientation on Monday and we do use them. I then e-mailed Martha and Jennifer so they knew what was going on with the computers. Today at I received a call from IS asking if someone had downloaded are programs on to the new computer? I freaked and started calling people to do it for us. My office is directly across from Martha's office and we can hear each others conversations all the time so I know she heard me taking and also Jennifer and I talked about it and she was standing outside of Jennifer office. I finally found someone to do it for us because they had to do it also. When this person went to the new computer she said the programs were already on there? I said by who? she said she didn't know but they have access to do so. Then it dawned on me, Martha. I asked Jennifer to ask Martha because she was headed her way to the front office where Martha was. Well she nodded her head and yes, she had done it, she loaded the programs. Martha heard my conversations, she saw the email and she refused to tell me. I felt like a idiot. Most people would say to their co-workers "I did it" don't worry"but no, she just let me go on and on about it never saying one word. I am sensitive as everyone knows so I went it Linda's office an cried. Linda closed the door and I told her the whole story, but of course there was nothing she could do her hands are tied. Linda can't get involved I guess because she is a manager. If I tell Denise she will just say I am to sensitive, so I just have to "SUCK IT UP". For me I can't understand why people can't get along? We fight , we laugh, we cry but at the end of it all we co-workers and some are friends. Each person who gives respect should accept respect. Martha is nasty to everyone that is "Not Management. She has put a few lower ended employees to tears the way she talks to them. It is very sad that she is so unhappy that she has to act this way, I am sensitive but after so many times she has treated me nasty I get tired of it. When I am at the front desk telling a story about Ayden or the Benefit fair and Martha walks by, mind you everyone is standing there talking, but Martha gets her fax and walks away. Once I leave Martha goes outside to the front and proceeds to talk and talk. I will say good morning and if she sees somewhere around she says good morning but if she sees know one is there she just walks into her office not saying a word. So, it is well know in my office that Martha doesn't like me because everyone can see it, right down to her family visiting, her mom and Sister who also never say hello to me. I am so tired of certain people in my department acting like "it's no big deal, well not for them. At first I thought it was all my immagination but after so much time, it's not. I really thought I mattered to a couple of people in my Department but I guess I don't, not one person, not one...will help me with the situation. I guess that is why co-worker friendships are not the same anymore..I hate when people play games, it hurts....I use to love my job, especially coming in early to start out my day fresh and prepared to...That is all gone now....I guess it's true what that say "Times are changing" but not always for the better...and it seems also that people are "Just not Nice" anymore...

Somthing is wrong with this Picture............!

Well we are on week one of the new schedule for Cassandra (and I). Believe me tomorrow I will be Thinking to myself "Thank God It's Friday" Let's see what you all think. Cassandra gets up around 4:45 am to 5:00 am. and honestly I hear her leave so I get up myself. A little less than 2 hours later I am out the door after fighting with Ayden to dress him and his temper tantrtums just run into one day after the other. so, Cassandra works 5:30 am until 1: oopm and since she does not have the two classes she thought she had (she only has one, long story) she goes home to sleep. Then I come through the door around 5:30 to 6: 00 pm after picking up Ayden, going to Publix, and fighting with Ayden because he wants everything in the store. So , when I get home Cassandra is on the sofa sleeping. Then she proceeds to jump in the shower and run out the door for her night classes. So then I start my night by cleaning up after Cassandra, picking up her bowls, plates, empty soda cans, etc. I then put Ayden in his Pajamas, play trains with him, read the Polar Express to him and then we brush his teeth and start the main fight of the night, "Its is Bedtime Ayden" and here we go. On a normal night Ayden gets up at least 3 times and on a bad night he could get up maybe 10 or more...... So can you tell me what is wrong with this very large picture..........I sure could but that would be a whole other Blog posting....So like my Photo I am Frustrated with the situation because I am differently being taken advantage of now.. Am I wrong? or Right?..

Something Nice..Something Not so nice...here we go!

Lets' start with the "Not so Nice" Part:

Cassandra has to take a Pathology course which is only offered twice a week at 2:00p.m. She was told by her supervisor and her Director that it was O.K to leave twice a week to go...Well the Director Left and the Manger Donna is the interim Director who we all thought was nice..Well, not any more. Donna told Cassandra that she could not have one of her leads be out 2 days a week on half days. Cassandra offered to come in earlier on those days (Which is what she discussed with the previous Director) but Donna said No! So Cassandra had to step down from lead and go back to her old position as registrar for the Cath Lab. Problem with that? Her new hours are 5:30am until 1:oo pm...see where this is going..Yep, I am now having to dress Ayden in the morning, feed Ayden in the Morning and take him to school in the Morning. I love him to death but the mornings were my only "ME TIME" I had. So I take him and Pick him up now every day except Friday, I just take him and Cassandra has no School.

Now for the Nice News: (Which is nice for me)

As you can see in the Picture Alvaro did the tile on my shower floor. It looks so nice and clean. Before it was so dull with dark stains and black areas I could not get off since I moved in..It was the original Shower. Alvaro added some flowers and I really love it. He is going to knock up some of the wall tiles and add the flowers that are on the floor (That will come later). I also had bought the new doors for the shower a while back so the doors will go on either tomorrow or maybe even the weekend because he works, I work and I understand if he is to tired..Once he puts the door on I will take another photo so you get the whole effect.

So you see, something "Not Nice" always has Something "Nice" coming around the corner.

My Weekend

My weekend was crazy as always but good. Friday was Trick or Treating, Javi took Ayden all over his complex and did not get home until 10:30pm, Ayden was exhusted. Saturday was long because Alvaro came here around 9:30am and started the tile in my Shower which took all day until around 7:00 p.m. He still has to lay the grout but that can be done during the week, it does look nice. Sunday started off nice because I finally was able to talk to Anne, we hav been playing phone tag for awhile and when I'm watching Ayden its just not possible. So it was nice to have are none interuped 2 hour talk. The rest of the day was pretty calm, doing laudry, making a nice pork roast with patatoes and watching my Giants wining (So far so good, its the 4th quarter) So as always a nice weekend that was not long enough.