Happy New Year 2010......

Well another year has gone by, and what a year it was....I hope that 2010 will be a year that I can remember fondly because 2009 is a year I want to just forget..LOL.

2010 will be a good year according to my friend Joyce..her logic? It is 2 (0) for my birth month and 10 is for the day so according to Joyce it has to be "My Year" and I am going to go with that.

I want to experience new things in 2010. I am in the process of making a list as to what I want to accomplish (The list will be a whole other blog.lol) I want to think long and hard about this list because it has to be things I really want to do but it also has to be things that I can Honestly do.

Life surprises you when you least expect it to and I am sure that 2010 will surprise me in many many ways. So, I am looking forward to a New Year or I should say "My Year"...!!

I wish nothing but Joy and Happiness for all of my Family and Friends. I hope this year is everything you want it to be and More...as I have said many times before :

"The Angels will always guide you to where you should be"

My Angels....Tis the season...

Why do I love Angels so much? Here is one of the reasons..( and there are many)

As everyone knows I got Pregnant at 21 years old "With Out" a husband and 28 years ago that was "Not Good" not unheard of but "Not Good" Once I told my parents I just went along with what ever they said in order to make up for what I had done. For me I was a Good Girl, I never gave my parents one day of grief, not one. I did what I was told, I kept my grades, etc. So when this happened it was more of a Shock to everyone (Including me) So I did what ever they said. So they told me I was going to give the baby up for adoption, and we would go through the church and find a Catholic agency to help us. So my mom and I went and met with a woman from

the agency and we talked at length as to what rights I had and what my thoughts were. I didn't really speak, she had to pull the words out of me, and my mom was just as quiet...but the woman went on and on about how much of a Good Thing I have chosen to do and that everything would be fine, it would be a very easy process...so we left..I signed papers BUT not the papers to give up the baby...Believe it or Not my mom said not to until the baby was born. Before I left the woman told me and my mom NOT to look at the baby when it was born and that would help. My mom said "Isn't that what they do during this process " and the woman said no, by then there was the law that I and only I could make that choice...well nothing else was every said about. To make a long story short I went into labor and I held my daughter right after I gave birth and I knew my life would never be the same..I had her while my parents were away, not their fault because I delivered 3 weeks early and they were due to come home the next day. Now if my parents were there I don't know how things would have turned out. Would I have asked to hold the baby? or Would I have held her anyway no matter what?

..Back then you stayed in the Hospital for 3-4 days after giving birth...not like today where they throw you out the next day..LOL. So the night before I went home the person that was in my room went home with her baby and I was all alone. I couldn't sleep at all knowing the next day I had to leave my baby there at the hospital and go on with my life...I could not stop crying..around 2:00am a nurse came in to see me and her name was Lauren White..(I saw her badge) and she asked me what was wrong..I broke down and told her the story. Lauren had a very gentle voice which was almost "Calming" when she spoke. She said I needed to tell my parent the truth about how I felt and that this would follow me for the rest of my life. She talked to me until almost 6:00am in the morning. As she left I realized the time I asked her if she would be in trouble for spending all that time with me and she said she was not beginning her shift until 6:00am and that she had come in early to do paper work...So I guess the rest is History, I ended up telling my parents when they came to pick me up the next day, my parents dropped me at home and took a long ride in the mountains together and came home, hugged me and said it was my choice and that they would support me. So I called the woman from the Catholic agency and told her I had decided to keep my baby and the woman HUNG UP on me...My mother was soooooo upset, she could not believe how she treated me. I heard my mom called her back but to this day I don't know what she said, my Dad just said "Karen you don't want to know what your mother said to that woman" LOL...

.So 2 days letter I went back to the Hospital to pick up my new bundle of Joy but before I left I wanted to thank the Nurse, Lauren who helped me get the courage to speak up to my parents and tell them how I felt, Lauren said they would understand and that one day the baby will be the Center of THEIR lives and the rest is history I guess because no one in this world loved Cassandra more than my parents did ..so...I asked the Charge Nurse if the Nurse Lauren was around because I wanted to talk to her. The Charge Nurse said no, we don't have a nurse on this floor by the name of Lauren..she asked a couple of the nurses around her and they said no they didn't either. I explained what she looked like and I told her how important it was for me to talk to her before I left. I gave the Nurse her last name, White and she called down to Human Resources and asked if the name was in their system and where did she work? They called back and said they checked every single system and NO ONE had that name. The charge nurse asked me to describe her again to the other nurses and I did..They all said " No",they never saw a nurse that fit that description..so at the time I didn't think much of it and just shrugged it off and went on but a few years down the road I started thinking about Lauren and that is when my love of Angels came about....I know there could be an explanation but for me she was my Angel, and she saved me from loosing something so very precious...she saved my soul in away! I will never forget her..Cassandra knows the story , I kept nothing from her...she knows that this is the reason she is here, and that she is a very special person....(Believe me - she knows..LOL) ...Angels are the center of my life, I feel so at peace when I have them around me. They are all over my house, and I welcome and treasure any new one I get or receive...Angels are always welcomed in my heart and home....

Christmas time is here......

The one thing I have to say about Christmas is that it always lifts me up...I could be having the worst year of my life (I think I am) and yet once Christmas time arrives I have no worries..the only worries I have are trying to get my family's gifts sent up to NJ in time or did I buy enough for Ayden and Cassandra for Christmas? or I hope they like their gifts, etc. Worries like this are just fine for me...

I know that Christmas time is a "magical" time of year and I should be out there enjoying all of it....but I have become very much the "Homebody" but I am happy this way. Years ago I would be out shopping every weekend, going to Novena's every night in December and making plans as to which house we would choose to go for Christmas Eve....Nope, not any more. To be honest I never really liked it...for me the perfect Christmas would be running around Christmas Eve to get just those last few gifts and picking up the Christmas Turkey from Publix and then go home and stay home. I love giving out the Christmas Eve Pajama's...(This is a tradition I picked up from my mom) and we all get into are P.J's and watch Christmas Movies, etc....then to wake up early the next morning with Ayden's cry of "He came-he came, Gigi Santa was here" for me seeing him get so excited and opening his presents is what it's all about(besides the fact that it is the birth of Christ) for me...and between you and I Ayden comes to my room before he goes to his mom's room....LOL.....I love that! and it may change in the years to come but for now I want to enjoy it...

So yes, this year has changed me in a way that I can now be honest with myself. No more pretending to do things for others so I can make them feel better or make them Happy..it's time to make myself happy. Of Course my close family and friends I will always go out of my way to make them happy but as far as the other people....No More...Life is to short and I am not getting any younger so it's time for me to live selfishly. ..LOL (maybe for a little while anyway)........Yes, this has been a year I most likely won't forget but to tell you the truth that will be a whole other post at the end of the year.....LOL..

It's a Wonderful Life .......Thank God!!

I am letting my house go....it is time. I can't live like this any longer....

I have lived in Florida now almost 15 years and for the first 10 years I lived in apartments and yes I dreamed of my own place but honestly I was always happy......Now I have my own place and I am unhappy...so I need to do this not only for my family/friends but for me. I want to go back to living...like getting my hair done when I want to, go shopping for clothes, getting my nails done once and awhile, having perfume on my dresser (I have not had a bottle since April) and I want to spoil my Grandson and I want to help my daughter with things that she needs.. I want to go to NJ and visit my family/friends....These are the things that truly make me happy and if I have to be stressed and worried all the time and not enjoy these things then was is the sense of having a house of your home...Life is to short and I need to start living again. I think I have lost myself this past year dwelling on things that are done and gone.... and things I can't change.

It's like the movie "It's a wonderful Life" I never really saw what I had in my life until I saw most of it slipping away....Like George Bailey says " Your the richest person in the world as long as you have family/friends" and I am very wealthy!!!

My Blog page....

I really wish I could get someone to help me design my Blog page..I hate it! I know there are ways to upload different backgrounds, etc. I look at alot of blogs thru Blogspot.com and alot of them are so nice and they normally say alot about the writer. A friend of mine Joyce,has a beautiful page, and she also has a little tulip as her cursor...I want that! I may sound a little immature about this but I really believe on these blogs you need to express yourself and who you are through the blog page.

I know I normally don't keep up with the "Daily" goings and comings of my life but once in awhile I write because I am Happy about something and I also write when I am sad about something...and Believe I also write when I am angry about something because this blog is a real stress reliever...it helps alot.

With this new year coming I hope to learn more about "Blogging" and how it works. I want to teach myself alot about designing the page for the different moods I am in. Believe me NOBODY ever really reads this blog except for maybe Joyce who got me to join in the first place. I believe Matthew checks in once in a while but that is really it (I have alot of devoted followers..NOT)LOL

So,I will make my vow here and now that I will make this page more about who I am and what I am feeling because I believe that is what Blogspot.com is all about!

Movies....I love them!!

I really wanted to see Blind Side at the movies this weekend and I almost did but it was sold out believe it or night. The theater was PACKED for Twilight 2, "New Moon" but the theater had that movie showing in 2 theaters, and Blind side was in just one. I have not wanted to go to the movies in forever because there was nothing out there I wanted to see. Of course all weekend I saw commercials for the movie.

I ended up just watching movies at home all weekend. I could watch movies all day if they were good. I am also famous for watching the same movie over and over...right now I have HBO free for 3 months on my new cable plan and I have taped and seen over and over the movie "Bridal Wars"...I LOVE THIS MOVIE...I guess I keep watching it because there is something said at the ending that I can't get out of my head, and it's about friends in your life...I have seen it over and over each time I hear it I tear up ..EVERY TIME. My friends are not the same anymore. Some of them have become more distance and others have become closer in ways (Facebook..LOL) It could just be me being all paranoid , who knows? if it's me I wish they would tell me?

I would rather lie then tell any of my friends something that would hurt them and I use to believe the same with them..but not anymore I guess....for me somethings are just better left unsaid..so they don't hurt peoples feelings....I guess anyone reading this must think "What is she talking about?" and all I can say is that I am getting very sentimental with age...My Dad was the same way. He was ruff around the edge Dad for all my childhood years but after awhile, just before he passed he was so sentimental, everything touched him ...and he touched me in that way, and I want to be just like him...

I don't hurt anyone on purpose, so why do people (Friends) have to be ...who knows!

"Let the Games begin".....

I love to play games..I have since I was little. I remember playing Monopoly with my mom and brothers all the time. It can bring "Fun time" to a family only because you do it together and it's also alot of fun!

Ayden is starting to have a new love ....Games...He loves to play and he plays to win. I enjoy playing mostly all the games with him. In fact I am the one that has tried to by him a Game each weekend...3 Weeks ago it was "Chutes & Ladders...




and 2 weeks ago it was "Candy Land"

and this week it is "Monkey's in a Barrel"

Mostly all of these games are games from years past, I remember all of these games from when I was little...There are alot more games out there that I want to get for Ayden only because he loves it so much. The other good piece of playing games is teaching them how to play "Fair". It also teaches them their colors, numbers, etc. Cassandra is very much into the games as well with Ayden...I can hear them down stairs laughing and yelling every night...It can bring families together...I love and enjoy it so much...

I hope Santa brings us all a whole bunch of Games for Christmas.....It's one gift that will make us all very happy to get...together!

Christmas ...BAH HUMBUG....it's just not the same!

I know your thinking "Karen is saying Bah Humbug to Christmas? it's not like her, at all" But for me this year I feel it won't be the same as other years...I have had a hard year and I know that I can not give Cassandra and Ayden the Christmas that they are a custom to.. I know Cassandra is now 27 years old, BUT she is still my one and only child and Ayden falls right up there with her. Of course I have Katie and Ryan whom I love to send really "Great Gifts" to as well. I just like giving people things I know that they will like because that is what makes "ME" happy. I have never been one to want this or that (well maybe when I was little) for me Christmas is all about the giving and that may sound Glee shay but it's just how I feel...

Hopefully I can come this Christmas for the people that matter to me in my life, but I mostly want to give to the Children because they are the ones that really count....Christmas is all about the "Children" and they are the ones that "shine" on Christmas morning and for me that is the
"Greatest Gift of All".......................I know I know......."it sounds Glee shay"

Favorite time of the year.....

Well here we are, the fall of 2009...whhhh a year I think I just want to forget. It will be a year that I was let go from JFK after almost 15 years of service..(do I still sound bitter, yea) and I am really hoping that as of November 14, 2009 my New year will start and things for me will just go for the better? Who knows right...all I can say is God gives us only as much as we can take and this year I really hope he is finished with me because I feel I have had more than I can take in one year....LOL.

BUT it is my favorite time of the year, the fall leading into winter and Christmas time. Who doesn't? It's "The most wonderful time of the year" as they say. I went into Publix yesterday and there in the Hallmark store was a window decorated in "Christmas" now that is early..but they say the malls have also started..it's fine with me because I know that no matter what your going through Christmas time is the time for Joy.!!

So no matter what comes my way from here on in I will take it in stride (I hope) and move on to bigger and better things..(Again, I can only hope)..LOL

So far so good..

Well I have been at my new job just about one week now and I absolutely love it! Do you think it's too soon to say that yet? because that is the way I feel. I am picking up on things pretty quickly and I just want to learn more as the time goes on.

After being let go at JFK and then having to go through all the rejections time after time in places that everyone said "Oh Karen this job is for you" or Karen they will take you for the position" ETC....Please, my self esteem was down into the ground, it was horrible. I have always had great work ethics (thanks Dad) and that is one thing I could always be proud of and JFK and all the other places took that away from me for awhile. Coming to AAS was the first position that really took my resume and looked at it. It was the first place to interview me for more than 10 minutes (I interviewed almost 1 hour) and they were the first place to actually tell me I had great experience and were looking forward to working with me. So, I guess that is one of the reasons I am so happy here to begin with and then of course working with Joyce who is just wonderful period and now I get to work with her.

I am doing pretty good these days. Now all I have to do is loose 50 pounds get approved for my loan modification with my Mortgage company and I will be perfect.... ( I can dream can't I?)

Back to the swing of things......

I have to say how nice I feel now that I am getting back into the "Swing" of things. I am up early and I am out the door by 7:20am and sometimes earlier to get Ayden to School and myself to work before 8:00am. I have more energy and less stress now. I know I will eventually have my days because everyone does but I am happy to start having "Good" days because they were few and far between before. I am also happy to be talking to my previous co-workers and not feel like they feel sorry for me, they just talk to me because they want to, which is really nice! Some won't and that's o.k, like I have said before it wasn't meant to be and they were never really a co-worker/friend that means anything to me.

So, so far so good and I can't wait to see what "New" things will come my way....Always remember ..FAITH....FAITH...FAITH...it will always keep you going!

Twitter verses Facebook....

I am now going to drive myself crazy. I am now addicted to "Twitter" as well as Facebook. I didn't think I would but now that Joyce and Cassandra have showed me how it works (Well some of it) I can not stop going on the website. Thank goodness I can't go on during the day because I spend enough time on it at night.... Which one is better? for me it's face book because I know how it all works. I am having fun with both sites, I can't wait to see what more this twitter has to offer.....

I have to talk to a few more people about using Twitter and see what kind of people I can follow or to follow me.....here we go again!!

My New Journey has begun...............

Well today I started my new position at All About Staffing and working with my good friend Joyce. What a difference, Wow! It was only the first day but for me that is all it takes. I have had only 2 jobs in my life and both felt like I did today so I know I am going to be O.K.

Why is it going to be better? 1st of all Joyce is my boss, but she sees us as a team which makes me respect her even more. There is no competition on who is doing more work? or who is liked better by the boss or who is the most popular in the Hospital? or "This one doesn't like me and that one hates me, etc. 2Nd of all Joyce is who she has always been to me, and I feel I can be the same way with her. There are just so many reasons why this will be better for me. I also feel that my stress level will be so much lower. I use to leave my old job in only 2 ways, stressed or upset. No in between. As far as my co-workers, yes I will miss them. I don't know if we are always going to stay in touch but if we do then I know we are friends and if we drift away then I know we weren't. For me I wore my heart on my shoulders so everyone in H.R Knew if I was upset, angry or happy and excepted me for that. I felt the same about them but some where down the line things changed, we changed.

I also started to add Church back into my routine as of this past Sunday, Father's Day. I felt it was a special Day so it would be a good day to start. Before Ayden this was already in my weekly routine and I never thought twice about it because that is who I was, now I want that part of me back. I never left my faith I still did my prayers when needed and sometimes when not needed.

So as I go on my journey my goal will be to find more peace in my life. I want to keep going and learn how to be "Me" again because I think I have lost myself in the past few years... so stay tuned....... P.S another part of this Journey will be to do my blog more frequently..

New Journey.....

Well I will be starting a new journey in my life in a couple of weeks. I have been offered a job to work for a Staffing Company and best of all I will be working with a friend, Joyce. The job itself will also be very good for me because I know I will learn so much more.

Life is all about change I am told but its also a scary part of life. What is scary about life changes? the unknown! Not knowing if I am a good fit, not knowing what is expected of me.

Not knowing how this will all work out.. I am confident that with this job I will be alot happier.

It's going to be Joyce and I, not alot of woman all trying to be number #1. That is what my last

job was all about, including me. I won't lie. Everyone wants to be number #1. In fact I know I was number #1 for many years with my boss but then things change, jealous people come along and didn't like me for that so trouble started to brew which made me very defensive and unhappy. Once that happens you need to move on because it won't get better, it just won't I lived it. I really want to go back to the person I was, hard worker, nice., courteous and not walking around with a chip on my shoulder. Joyce is a very positive person and I truly hope that rubs off on me. In my old office the people were great (Some) and I use to love going to work. Then as I said different people came along mostly ones that didn't like me for one reason or another.

I so much enjoyed having a interview that lasted an hour and they saw me for who I am. They loved my resume and they could see from my resume that I was over qualified for the position I am taking which really made me feel great. I am very proud of my work ethics, very proud and that is something my old job couldn't take away from me....

So, I am taking a new Journey soon and I hope this journey takes me to do many wonderful things, also to grow more and learn more and just be happy to go to work again. I miss that feeling and I know that feeling will come again.

A weekend of ?????

Well Memorial Day Weekend is over, now ask me what I did? I don't have a clue! I didn't do anything really special but the weekend just got away from me. I can say the all the Laundry is done, I can say the upstairs floors and bathrooms are done and this is thanks to Cassandra who took charge of the upstairs while I was nursing a headache on Saturday for a couple of hours. I can also say that I did my food shopping but after all that what did I do? I did get obsessed watching that stupid show, "Jon & Katie plus 8" marathon. It was on all weekend leading up to the season 5 premier which was so depressing it stunk! I had never seen this show before and apparently it's been on for 5 years. I did enjoy some of the earlier episodes but honestly their was nothing else on and when I pull out my puzzles I don't really "Watch" because I am concentrating on the puzzle. Long story short, I think the show needs to go way because it's not a family show anymore, it's not about the kids anymore. It should now be called "Jon and Kate Show" because it's all about these 2 selfish parents who have become all "Hollywood" leaving their 8 plus children behind. So honestly that took up alot of my weekend.

I did pop in the occasional movie, Bride wars, and I saw "Love comes Softly" again (My 3rd time I think) but honestly their is nothing on anymore so I know getting back into my reading "Mode" is going to be very easy I think. I have not read a good book in awhile so I am looking forward to spending most of the summer reading the "Love comes softly" series that my friend Joyce is giving me. It's a christian series set back in the 1800's, western style and I have seen all the movies so now it's time to read the book. Most people like to read the book first, not me I like to see the movie and then read the book to discover all the differences between the 2.

I also had a visitor, Paola on Sunday evening through Monday evening . She is going through alot of personal problems so I am there for her when she needs me and she has been very down so I had her come over to get her mind off of things and Ayden will always help you with that. She told Ayden she was having a baby and all he did for the rest of the weekend was stare at her belly, it was so funny. Of course there were a million questions but then again that is nothing new these days.

So, again my weekend went very fast. I had 4 days off (Yes, even Friday) and nothing to show for it! But I like that kind of weekend...sometimes.

What to do to fill your time...................

It's really hard sometimes to "Pass the time" when you have no money. In these economic days its really hard to go out and do things you loved to do. Like the movies, it not only costs almost $10.00 ore more to get in you have to also pay for Popcorn and a drink could also cost you $10.00 or more and that is buying the small portions. So going to the movies theses days can be more stress then it's worth. If you just want to go out and have coffee with a Friend just to pass the time and talk you need to have a wallet full as well. The most popular place around would be Starbucks (Because Dunkin Donuts is not what it was since Starbucks came along) But if you go to Starbucks once again your wallet needs to have the $$$ in it. A Grande Vanilla Latte Medium cost $ 4.25 these days and they will always try and talk you into a "Venti/Large" size bigger which is only $.50 cents more.... . so every where you go it cost you not only money but alot of it compared to a couple of years ago!

What you need to do is find things that either don't cost alot or don't cost anything at all (which is very hard). I love to do scrap books but it can be costly. You need to go to the scrapbook stores and go over to the Clearance tables and they always have alot and also good deals. Scrap booking can be fun and memorable depending on what your doing.

Another Idea is what I am doing now, each night I am working on my puzzles. I use to do puzzles a long time ago with my mother. She use to put out big ones on our dinner room table and work for days on it. After awhile they were getting so big we would all end up eating in the living room with trays (but we still always ate together every single night) My mom would do 1,000 piece to 1,500 piece puzzles. I am just starting on my first 500 piece puzzle. I have done at least Five Hundred Piece puzzles and 2 of the 300 piece puzzles.. It is very time consuming but I love doing them. I really get a sense of "Look what I have done" or when it's a lot of pieces I can say "Look what I got done" it's a really good way to pass those moneyless time periods in your life.

Another way came up to me by chance while I was playing with my Grandson. Coloring! I love doing, in fact I am obsessed with it now. I finished some color book pictures that Ayden had around the house and then during my weekly food shopping trip I picked up a couple of color books for $1.00. So, as you can see not expensive, fun and time passes before you know it.

So these are just a few of "My" ways of passing the time and keeping myself busy. It has been fun finding out all these neat things to do but if you look at them they are things I did as a kid and just never realized how much fun they were to do...and how much money I am saving also.

It's about Time......

Well it's been awhile since I wrote something, and I thought I should really "Catch Up" Since I last wrote you my daughter Cassandra graduated from Massage Therapy School (Its a college that I can never remember the name of ) and needless to say I am very very proud of her, it's been a long two years and she did and I was happy to help her fulfill her goal.

I am still working for HCA East FL Division in the Education Department and since I last wrote about this job things have been going pretty well (Knock on Wood) and there have not been any major problems and Charlene has been pretty nice all and all. Charlene does have a good side to her for instance it was told to me on the Thursday before an orientation date that the following Monday Hospital Orientation would be held in the Department I am working in which made feel sick to my stomach....I mean how would you feel watching and hearing two people doing something you had been doing for over 14 years? and one of those people who can not stand me doing what I did. Anyone who really knows me knows how hurt I would be to see that , I loved my job very much and only a select few undertsand that....Well I guess my face changed with out saying a word and Charlene came to me later and said "Karen Work from home Monday" I was floored!! I asked her why and she said "We both know why" and that is all that was said on the subject except for me thanking her for being so concerned about my feelings, I was kind of in shock this came from Charlene but it goes to show you that you really never know a person, they'll always surprise you especially when you least expect it...In fact she has been on Vacation since Last Wednesday and is not due back until tomorrow. While she is out she left me some work to do and I was in contact with her daily via email. Almost every day Charlene would say "Go home Early" and 9 times out of ten I would because Charlene was still giving me the 8 hours of work which I am very appreciative of. I didn't take advantage either I did my work and then went home. Friday was the best because I knew I had a busy Saturday coming up so getting out at Noon that day was Great. I had Lunch with my friends Linda and Joyce, did some shopping, went home and started laundry, etc. Saturday was a busy day because Cassandra and Lance had a trip with Lance's company to go on a all day trip to the Bahama's in which they left at 4:30am and did get back until 1:00am so as you can see I had a very long day with a 3 year old. I am proud to say with "Both" Got thru the day very well. I was also able t0 do my cleaning, laundry, and everything else I like to do on Saturday's just with a little more Patience's then usual. Ayden had his moments but we got thru them. The best thing I did was go to the store with him and let him pick out the movie "Madagascar" in which he watched over and over again so that was a really big help. Then on Sunday we hung around, did food shopping and went to a Garcia barbecue for Rosealba who I believe was 87 years of age, God Bless her (Her husband is also alive and well at 92 years of age).

New Begining for me......

This is the time of year where I feel "starts my new year" for many many years now I have been ing to church on Good Friday between the hours of 1:00pm and 3:00pm because according to the scripture this is the time of death for Jesus. I sit, I pray and I listen. It may sound silly to some people but I can feel many things sitting there. I definitely feel the presence of the Lord and I feel peaceful and I always feel loved. I seat and go thru my entire year and what has happened and what I would like to happen in the up coming year.




This all started 27 years ago when I had Cassandra. Just before I knew I was pregnant my life was so depressing. I had just broken up with Al (or he left me for someone else for the 2nd time) and I so desperately wanted to know if I would ever get him out of my life and will I ever be happy again? I asked God to give me a sign, a sign showing me that I would always be in love with Al or if I should move on. Well needless to say that Monday I went to the Doctor and the rest is history.


This year I will do the same as always, sit, listen, and pray but this year I will try and listen more because I have a strong feeling that something is coming up in my life and I don't know if it's good or bad. I will pray for Good but God sends us what we need, good or bad. I trust in God that he knows what is best and if I have to go thru a few more "Bad Times" I will take it as I see it.

I also believe that God has sent Angels to watch over us but I also feel there are more than usual, why I don't know. Angels are my saving grace, I believe so much in Angeles and the reason for that is I had one once. It was when I had Cassandra and I was in the Hospital. I was not very happy at all because I knew I was giving her up to an adoption agency. This was the 2nd day of my stay. My mom and dad didn't know but I was feeding her and walking down to the nursery to see her like a normal "Mother and Daughter" Bonding moments. I loved that little girl so very much. The next evening I was in my Hospital bed and it as very late, sometime around 1:00am or so. A nurse came in and asked why I was crying. I knew I wasn't crying loud and I said "I am so sorry I didn't know anyone could hear me" She never answered the question she just said "How can I help" and she sat on the side of my bed. This Nurse talked to me as if she knew me forever, she knew what my heart was feeling, she knew what I was thinking and she was just so encouraging . She spoke to me about keeping Cassandra because she knew that is what I really wanted. I needed to follow my heart, etc. She spoke with such wisdom I was laying on her every word. We must have talked for hours because the sun was coming up when she left. I then drifted off to sleep and she left. Well the next day was the day I was suppose to go home WITH OUT MY DAUGHTER, she was going to stay in the Hospital because she went under 5 lbs. When it came time for my mom and dad to pick me up I just broke down and told them all what I was feeling. They supported me totally and the rest is History as you know it. The strange thing is on the day I went to pick up Cassandra from the Hospital I asked the charge nurse if she knew where I could find this Nurse I was speaking to? I knew the name and what she looked like but the strange thing is nobody there ever heard of her? I had them look up and down, looking in all over the Hospital and there was Nobody there that fit this description. That is when I knew, I had a Angel. I am sure I have had many Angels in my lifetime but this is the one I remember so well and I will never forget....


So this is why I love this time of year and I always feel renewed and ready to take on Anything in my life, Good or bad. I have had alot if bad this past year so I am hoping for some Good this time but as you know "Only God Knows".....

Craft, Hobbies, not sure but I'm hooked...

I am trying to have more "Stress Free" time in my life and I have been trying to do some kind of Hobby or craft, maybe both. I am in the middle of doing puzzles at this time, I started at 100 piece puzzle and . I am now doing a 300 piece. It is a very calming Hobby but I am looking to also start a craft project but I didn't know what to do. I went into Walmart the other and I was looking for something for my boss when I came across a a stand with these craft packets...like the photo below....

The package contents were are below.....

I don't know how I'm going to make these Beautiful bouquet but I am sure going to try, it comes with step by step instructions so I just have to follow them right? Out of all the choices this just caught my eye. Hopefully Ill be able to show you the completed project soon............ Wish me luck!

My parents would have melted..........

I was looking at a few photo's last night and I came up on this one of Ayden, it is just the cutest picture we have. It was a professional picture taken at the Day care so I had to take a picture of the picture in order to put it on my blog and no matter how many times I tried that white light just came into the picture. I ended up just leaving it there. I know the technical reason it was there but both Cassandra and I believe it's the light of my parents shinning through him. I know they would have melted with this little guy. I saw home much they loved all there Grandchilden and I see how much they are missed since there gone. Ayden loves looking at photos of them so I truly believe this is there light shining on Ayden. If you look at it really well you can see why I think this.

Too Long

Wow, it's been almost a Month since I wrote on my blog, time really does fly!

Life is about the same from when I wrote about a month ago. I have had a few issues with my

"Temporary" job. I say temporary because I don't plan on staying there, it will kill me. I already have blown up from the stress of loosing my job and then getting a job like I have. It's money right? I will do just about anything to keep my house and right now it's working there.

My Grandson Ayden is getting bigger by the day as you can see from the photo, he brings me joy everyday and yes sometimes Headaches as well but not as much as JOY! Cassandra is on her way to Graduating in fact she is going today at 3:00pm to talk about Graduation ceremony and how it all works. Cass has worked so hard for this and I can't wait until she is done. Yes, I am glad because I won't have to watch Ayden so much but it's all been worth it to see the joy in Cassandra's face when she talks about it. I am very proud of her and this has also matured her in so many ways.

So I hope some things change for me in my life but for now they are quiet and I guess that is a "Good Thing" but I need to be happy with my job and I'm not. This is a first for me, I have had only two jobs my whole life and I loved them both so it's really been an "Eye opening" experience.

I Miss my job so much, nobody really knows how much. I still talk to some of them but it's not the same I can feel the "Separation" Happening these days. Marcela is the only one who gives it to me "Straight" and I appreciate her for that. As far as everyone else they just go through the motions I guess. My life is so different from this time 1 year ago, last week would have been 14 years for me...what a Waste!

My alias "Gigi"

Attached is a photo of my Gigi pillow. It was a unique gift from my brother Matthew. He found it at a little shop in NJ. It goes perfect with my Bedroom. The words on the pillow are as follows in case you can't see: Dear Gigi, You really mean a lot to us much more than words can tell. It's fun just being around you because you do everything so well. Always warm and understanding, you are a treasure rare, No wonder we feel so secure when ever your there. GiGi we really do love you. For all the wonderful times we've shared and it takes no special day to let you know we care". So, how nice is that. I am very proud of being Gigi. Almost everyone calls me Gigi, the whole daycare calls me Gigi. So, this gift was wonderful, Matt did good.

My Brother left yesterday from his annual visit, we all had such a good time and it's always sad when he leaves.This time Ayden got really attached to Matt, in fact Ayden says "Matthew is his brother, not mine" Ayden says I have to go find another brother", so yes Matthew made a good impression on Ayden which is very nice to see.

Turning 50....not so bad!!!

Well I turned 50 yesterday, February 10Th and to me it was just another Birthday. I don't feel any different. But the 4oth didn't bother me either. Maybe turning 60 might bother me a little but not to much.

When Cassandra was little I use to think "Well when she turns 20 years old I will be 41 years of age where will I be?" I thought like that on every Birthday she had. I never would have thought the way we are now. I expected her to be either Married or having a Great career of some kind, but that is what every single mother in the world thinks of their daughters, it is true!. I have very happy with the way things are as I turn 50. The only one problem is me being out of work, but otherwise it's a good life. Cassandra has come a very long way since she had Ayden, in fact she showed me how far she has come by giving me a wonderful 50th Birthday, with the party, gifts and Dinner on my real Birthday. I never thought I would see this, my daughter seems to have matured..FINALLY! I always took care of everything for Cassandra so alot of this was my fault. I should have given her more responsible when she was younger, but I would not have changed a thing. I am happy with her, Ayden and my life. Once I find out "Where I should be" in the job market I think things will get better.

I also don't feel 5o physically. My girlfriend Resa was showing her age at 40, you know everything ached, everything was "Too much" for her age. But I really believe "You are how you feel" and I am not going to grow older than I am.....Yes, I and as long as I am happy with it nothing or no one else matters.wish I could be a "Skinny Minnie" or have a younger looking face but I am what I am

The best part of my 50th was my party that Cassandra threw for me, I had alot of good friends come and I received a bunch of beautiful gifts and I am sharing just a few with you below..

Here is the beautiful bouquet of flowers I received from Anne
Flowers always make you feel good!

These are 2 gifts I received from Joyce, the "K" was handmade by Joyce

This is a gorgeous Handmade Irish Shawl given to me by my Brother Matt.

Happy Birthday Bailey....

Today is my Bailey's 6th Birthday. It was six years ago that he was born "for" me. This little dog is one of the most important things in my life. Bailey loves me unconditionally, to him I have no faults..to him, I am his world. That is a feeling that is very hard to describe unless you have a dog or really any animal that you love.

For his birthday we bought a small Carvel cake. Ayden loves to blow out the candles for him. Ayden also offered to have 2 pieces of cake, one for him and he would also eat Bailey's piece but assured him that Bailey has no problem eating his cake by himself. So here is a photo of my two favorite guys celebrating ...

Always go with your instinc..

I know now that even if I get a job I need to follow my first instinct. I had a instinct at JFK when we got a New VP, of H.R..I knew she was close with one of my co-workers and I just had a feeling there would be "Trouble" Down the road. I did have concerns about this because the other employee had the same title as me. So I went to our new VP with my concerns and her answer to me with a big smile on her face said "Karen, as long as I am working here you will always be employed here at JFK" Now that I think of that moment I knew it wasn't true, she was just pacifying me...I knew it then but I did nothing about it. I still can't get over how they let me go, not even trying to give me a different position. That is what is so bothersome to me still. I could understand giving me a different position with a little less pay but to go to be unemployed is just wrong. I am a H.R person and I know how H.R Works, their motto is "H.R Can Do what ever they want" and I saw it for myself for many many years. To this day I believe me Director, VP,and even my co-workers could have found something else for me with in the HCA family. I was tossed out like a bad apple. But I know I am not a bad apple because that is one thing I have instilled in me, "Great Work Ethics" and that is something they can't take away from me. My father was so proud of me for this so I know I am doing well. This was instilled in me by my father and his father before him.

This whole experience has taught me so much. I learned who my friends really are, who really cares about me, and most of all who I can trust. I am very limited on who I trust now. I can't believe how many people at the hospital I knew and only a select few have kept in touch. I spoke to some of these people every single day of my life (Work Time Anyway). I feel so betrayed by that Hospital. I made my mark there and they just erase it like it was never there. They took my fellow co-worker as a replacement for me within a blink of the eye. This employee always had it out for me yet not one of my co-workers ever did anything about it, not one. If anything they became more friendly with her. I never told any of them this because stupid me did not want to hurt their feelings, how stupid am I? Ever since that certain employee came in to our department there has been changes, not good ones either, and not nice ones. Some of my co-workers were afraid of which she knew and enjoyed every single minute of it. Why did She do that? I guess because she could. I worked with this certain employee for a good couple of years, when she worked in the hospital it self her and I got along very well, she even ate lunch with us in the cafeteria once in a while. I could even go over to her office and sit and talk to her about any subject. Then she came over to our office and from then on is when she started treating me unfairly. I have my ideas as to what happen but I guess it just doesn't matter anymore. Why am I still dwelling on this,? Because I have so much time on my hands, I can't think of anything else then where I was, not where I am going. Hopefully that will change soon and then I can get into what ever "New Adventure" I get,.and this won't bother me anymore.

Bottom line here, I ended up trusting the wrong people. That is my worst trait about myself, I trust in too many people. I trust that they will watch out for me but Bottom Line you can only trust your self, you can only look out for yourself, and you always need to be aware of the "Back Stabbers" in life because they are the ones that win, I learned so much about my fellow co-workers and I am just going to leave it at that......... So I hope to write in my next blog soon that I have a New adventure in my life and I hope I can tell you all about it!!!

What to say?????????????

I just have rack my brain to see what I could write about since my last blog, which at least 2 weeks ago and I can't think of a thing to say. I have a daily regimen of getting up, getting Ayden
ready for school, coming home and making more coffee (Unless I treat myself to Starbucks). After that I more or less get on the computer for the day, looking up jobs, answering emails, etc.

I have taken a day or two off to go to the movies like I did Friday because it is driving me crazy to sit around worrying about where my next paycheck is going to come from.

I did have a interview on Thursday with a company affiliated with my old one but it is a drive. They said they would make a decision by the end of the week which was yesterday. I am just thinking that they are waiting until Monday, right? I did have another company call me which I called back and they called back when I was at the movie on Friday, so we are playing phone tag.

But really I am just bored, I am so not the "Stay at home Mom" I just can't do it. I am turning 50 this year and I always thought I would be celebrating that with my co-workers at JFK but that is not going to happen. I do not have a hard time turning 50, it doesn't bother me, what bothers me is turning 50 and not having a job, that scares me.'

I have to have faith that there is a reason for everything that is happening and I have to have faith that God will show me the way. I just pray it's soon...

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