Is it ever going to end?

O.K...how long does a bad luck streak last? One year? 2 Years? enough is    enough. I think its time for a streak of good luck here .., isn't it?    

            It's just one dam thing or another with my life lately!!!


         ( Anyone who really knows me knows whats been going on...)

   I am not a complainer, I don't walk around saying  "Poor Me" I just want some Good  News once and awhile, is that too much to ask? It doesn't even have to be Good News about me...just Good News !!!!!   Please?????

New Season- DWTS

Well My Favorite show is back on the air, "Dancing with the Stars" here is the Line up

What do you think? I am not so sure yet, it's not the best I ever saw but one good thing is there are no "Pro's" here from what I can see. Brandy, maybe but she is defiantly more of a singer and actress than a Dancer ( I think) and then the other one could be Jennifer Gray..Now we all remember a little movie she was in called "Dirty Dancing"......

a...yeh...also her dad is the famous dancer and singer "Joel Gray"  So she could be a good contender ...but she is also not that popular. I don't know anything about the girl "Choo"? or the girl from the show "The Hills" I never saw either of them. Florence Henderson I think will be good but she won't last...Bristol Paulin??? I have no idea... and the Men..no idea. I think Hassaloff my be good (but not Great)if he can stay sober and stop talking enough to judge..LOL..

I am happy its starting so I have something to look forward to because right now all I want to do is work, go home, eat dinner and crawl under my covers watching TV because I have no energy these days for anything else...physically and mentally!

Only the Lonely...

Well ,things are set with the "short Sale", well set as telling my family I mean. It was hard but I was proud to tell my brother Matt that his credit is safe. I would have died if the word foreclosure was on his credit rating. Matt has worked very hard on his credit all these years and he doesn't deserve that. I do, but he doesn't. Now I just have to wait for the paper work and then I will start the process..I hate the thought of having people walk thru my home but it has to be done.

I have been very lonely these past few weeks...Its been pretty hard. I really thought that Cassandra and Ayden would be around alot more but, nope. Out of sight out of mind I guess. I have been very snippy with Cass because of it but I can't hide my feelings...My mom always said "Karen, you wear your heart on your shoulders" and I cant help it.. It is hard because Cass has been living with me for her entire life, 29 years next week. Also, Ayden will be 5 next month and he too has lived with me since birth. So how can they just walk away from that I don't know but they did. I can't really blame Ayden because when he does see me he is very excited and he tells me that he asked Mommy to bring him to my house but Mommy always says she is to busy...which I do believe! I am not trying to put Cassandra down, its just the way she is, this is the generation she is in, the "Me" Generation. I just thought she would be different in this situation.I know how much she loves me but she just doesn't get it. We are having lunch tomorrow to "Catch up" and I am sure I will have a few choice words for her, and yes I will be teary eyed because even writing this I am teary eyed.
But I can't control that...BUT this lunch was her idea and maybe it is to "Catch up" but I have this sinking feeling its to tell me something else...I could be wrong but I just have the feeling something else is brewing. OMG could she? Would she? be pregnant? Nooooo, right? LOL. Well I guess we will see in my next posting how my lunch went..? Until then....

Packing up..UGH

The thought of packing up my home just makes me sick to my stomach. All the "STUFF" I have collected in the past 6 years is just so much. Never thinking it would come to this. I know I have plenty of time to do it because I have 90 days for the short sale to run it's course, then I can just do the next step which is handing in the Deed in lieu of Foreclosure...I am not happy about leaving my home but I am happy I was able to save my brother's credit as well as mine. I do plan on eventually owning a condo or something small and by doing it this way then I do have a future of doing that. The word "Foreclosure" can follow you forever if it wants to so I am glad I won't have that hanging of my head but more important it won't be on my brother Matthews credit...because yes, he does almost have a perfect score...

So the next couple of months will be hard, I will not be sending the money anymore as per the Mortgage company. So maybe I can save for a apartment or something in the time I have left. BUT we all know how well I am at saving..LOL

I will miss my house but honestly its for the best. I was living on the edge with the payment. If anything went wrong with the house I would have the money to fix it because of such a high payment. Also, its just me and Bailey in a 3 bedroom house..I don't need it...!! My dream is to just pack up and move back to NJ but we all know that once I got there I would miss the hell out of Ayden and Cassandra (Even though I hardly see them anymore) so I know that would  not work. I have a really good job here with Joyce and I need to work with what I have...for now!

It happened..

Well, I finally got "The LETTER" from the mortgage company telling me that they can not come up with a reasonable amount for my house loan...so that is that. I knew it would come sooner or later, but I was hoping for later...

The letter says to call them with my options, ya right! Their options of me loosing my house..this should be a interesting call. I know I have to make the call but I am almost scared they will say that I have to be out by next week....I hope not because I have no clue where I am going yet...They have to give me time, right?

So that is that...):

Today is the day...!!

Well today is t he day I have been waiting for, my contract is up and I am able to purchase the " IPhone"...I am so excited. It seems every single person I come in contact with has the IPhone..AND now I have the option to buy one.

I have a couple of choices to buy with the IPhone but I have chosen to get the IPhone 3GS, its the one below the new "IPhone 4". The IPhone 4 has had so many problems with it I think I will go with the one I have been waiting for since last year. It's still better than the 3G, and that's what most people I know have so I will still be one grade up from them, LOL. But believe my daughters contract is up today as well and she will have the I-phone 4 by days end I am sure of it. She begged me to get the Iphone 4 because you can look at each other while texting and calling. But its only if both people have the IPhone 4...I don't need that feature, nor do I want that feature...

So I will be going after work today to set myself up with the IPhone...I can't wait.!!!  

Made my day...

Well , I had a phone call today that just made my day...maybe even my month or year..I received a call from my friends son who is currently stationed in Afghanistan and he called to thank me for sending him a box full of goodies like, Candy, gum and cookies. It seems Jason and his squad were on a mission deep in Afghanistan and it was like 125 degree in the shade there. They had been stationed there for days and were only eating rice that the locals had made for them and hot 90 degree water and it had been like that for days....Jason said that they heard the helicopter coming up and it dropped down some needed supplies (no food) and mail and in the mail he received my full box of goodies...He said that he and his buddies devoured the goodies and that it was the best meal that they had since the mission started..He said "Karen it's like this box came from heaven and you were the Angel that sent it". We ended up speaking for 30 minutes.

Finally I feel like I made a difference and I have not felt like that in a really long time.

So, Jason who was calling me all the way from Afghanistan and who is in the middle of all this war and blood shed (The things he told me he has seen were just frightening ) wanted to thank me for sending him the goodies but in reality I want to thank Jason because he really didn't need to do that, he could have just told his mom to give me the message but instead he called me and made me feel so good about myself and I have not felt like this in a really long time...Thanks Jason...

      

STILL

STILL MISSING THIS FACE  ( 5 Days and counting) I believe my daughter has loss the  "Caring Chip"  by not bringing this little face by my house....Out of Sight-Out of Mind I guess!!!

Did I raise her? Or did her father raise her because he also missed that piece of chip...!

That Face....

I miss this face.....):

Hard Weekend

Well, I am sure you know how hard this weekend was for me...it was !!! Each day will get better I know that but I am trying to put my mind on "Getting on with it" meaning "Move on Karen" because I have to. What is done is done and Cassandra is 28 years old and I am 51 years old and this needed to happen one day so now is the time. Thinking about it now I realize I have never really lived alone. In the past 30 years almost I have lived with Cassandra and before that my parents and for a little while I lived with my BFF Anne in NJ.

So this is a whole new experience for me. Thank God for my little Bailey who is by my side 24/7 when I am home. I don't know what I would do with out him...I love that little dog to death! I felt so bad for him because he adored Cassandra as much as he does me and Cassandra was his 2nd place to go when I am not around. Every morning when I left Bailey went running into Cassandra's room to be with her. Not Ayden but Cassandra. Cassandra works but she works more in the afternoon and evenings so she was always home in the Mornings and sometimes until 3-4pm so he was spoiled in the way he always had someone at home for most of the day. BUT now he is going to be alone from 7:30am until maybe after 5:00pm depending on when I get out. I told Cassandra to visit him once in a while but you know how that goes..LOL
Out of site out of mind....LOL.. She loves Bailey also but she is not going to change her ways for him...LOL.

So that is the story FOR NOW..

Holding my Breath....

Well they say things come in 3's...First day of the week, Monday, I was diagnosed with a Cancerous Blood disease (similar to what my mom had when she passed away) , then my daughter and her boyfriend announced they are moving out this weekend...sooooooo...what will the 3rd thing be? It gives me chills to even think about it....all I can do is sit and wait I guess...???

What a week? I never saw any of it coming...!!

TGIF

For some reason I am excited that it's Friday..I have NOTHING Planned for this weekend except for the normal, Laundry, Cleaning, Etc. but I am looking forward to it. I am hoping my Netflix comes by tomorrow because I ordered the first season of "Housewives of NJ"...I never saw the show but my friends in NJ have all told me that it is the BEST SHOW EVER...LOL...The past few days I have been speaking to 4 of them via Facebook and they are all talking about the shows and I felt Excluded..LOL. So they told me that the 1st season is on DVD and that the new season just started so I will give it a try and I am sure I will like it from what I have been hearing about... 

It's been a lonely week with out having Joyce in my office for the last week and half  but she comes back on Monday and we have alot to "Chat" about! We are also going to Celebrate Joyce's Birthday since she was off on her Birthday.."What aSurprise".LOL So we will have a nice lunch and then my day will be cut short on Monday because I have a Doctor's visit to go to...They have taken more blood from me then they ever have before and it's a little scary but I have to have the faith that this is all going to be fine,so I will keep posted....

Don't Get it...???

I just don't get it when it comes to these mortgage companies? I have been dealing with mine for over a year now and we still have no settlement. Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that they are trying to work out a new payment so they don't foreclose on me but how many packets will they send me before they "Get it"?

So far have received 5 packets of new payment plans and 4 out of the 5 were for the same payment, only going down by $75.00 from my high monthly payment. How is that helping me?

Well yesterday I got another FedEx package with yes another Mortgage payment offer and this time they want me to pay $1.594.00 and this is $100.00 cheaper than the last packet...so we are making a little progress but there is still no way I could pay that...Who could on what I make....NO WAY! and honestly I make pretty good money (Not what I had before, when I bought this house) and it should be enough to keep my house and still have $$ left to pay other bills...well not with this Payment...I send my financial sheet every single month and they have to come up with a payment based on the financial sheet....if I paid this payment every month I would have a total of about $600.00 to pay electric, water, home owners, food, gas, etc. Now who could do that? I would live like a hermit because I wouldn't have money to do anything?

My point here is WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DO A NEW APPRAISAL on the house???? That would totally bring down the payment...Its crazy....but I will keep doing what I am doing until they say they can not work with me anymore. Then I will start looking for a apartment...I hate the thought of it but this looks like it's going to take that road. The only way I could afford this house now is if they did a appraisal and it doesn't look like they will be doing that....I just want it settled before the fall, Christmas, etc. I hate the thought of having to move out by the holidays because that would REALLY brake my heart..!!

And my heart will be broken anyway when my daughter and Grandson move out next month.....now that will be a whole other blog to read...LOL.. (I will give you a hint, My grandson Ayden has already told his mom that he has  chosen to stay in Gigi's house and she and Lance can move out..)

FINALLY....!!!

I am soooo excited to see that "Blogspot" finally got with it and put more into their designs....!! I can now have a blog I can be proud of...The colors, the templates, etc are all GREAT! Designing my blog has been one of my goals and now I can complete out having to download templates from other websites....



So expect to see ALOT of changes to my blog in the up coming weeks and months...who knows maybe this
will make me come on more and post more...lol..

I am thrilled..!!!

Life....

I can't really say "Why am I so low these days" because I know why, LIFE is why. It will creep up on you and before you know what happened it "Blows Up" in your face. I try to take one day as it comes but its hard. I have always been that way. I worry about tomorrow, and what is going to happen if??? and I need to stop...I was doing so good for a while and I even wrote it on my profile...But these days it's getting so hard.

Needless to say my life has changed immensely in the past 2 years. It all started when I was let go from my job of 14 years. Yes, I lived through it and Yes, I have a good job now but why can't I get over it? When I made the choice to leave for Florida 15 years ago I left a job of 12 years there in NJ, and it was my choice so I guess that is the difference. When I left NJ my best friend through me a going away party of almost 200 people and a quarter of them was from my job. Not just office people but EVERYONE came, including the people that worked in the factory of my company. Some or should I say most of them didn't even speak English but they were there for me...I worked for a company of maybe 30 people and I can safely say almost 90% of them were there...not bad. I am still in touch with some of them today.

But this time it wasn't my choice, I guess that is the difference here. But honestly it may have been the best thing for me for many reasons, and I am very comfortable saying that. Yes, alot of things are "Not Good" right now but if I was there I think it would have been 10 times worse. I was stabbed there, even before I was let go and I knew it but just didn't want to admits it.

I am not surrounded by people that care for me anymore. I am surrounded by people who truly love me. I don't have as many as I did say 10 years ago but I am happy with my choices and I know that some may not be good in the long run but I also know that some will be the best choices I made in my lifetime. I have a whole new "Outlook" on life these days, maybe it's age? Maybe it's the people in my life that have hurt me? or maybe it's just how it should be and if that's what it is then I am going to accept what ever comes my way.

Long time...............

So it's been awhile.........I am feeling MUCH better since my last post. Everything is the same, no changes. I am still waiting for resolution on my house. I am still fighting to stay above water with bills and money issues and so far so good, every thing is up to date and on time (well almost..LOL)

Today my Daughter and Grandson are going off to Disney...): I was suppose to be the one that took Ayden on his first trip to Disney..BUT ..I can't, so Lance her boyfriend will be going with them. It was something she had planned on short notice to meet up with a friend from NJ there and they wanted to treat Ayden to Disney for a day so Cassandra could not refuse....Unfortunately the time was bad at work for me to go, and believe I am lucky to have a job here so I would never even question it, work has to come first in this situation..sad..but true, My daughter feels horrible and promised that we will take a trip in July or August with just the 3 of us, Cass, Ayden and Me but I won't believe it until I see it. It's just that time gets away from us and when we least expect it , the time has passed. I am giving them Money so that Ayden can get what he wants at the gift shops because that is what I would have done if I was there so at least he will have that...But I won't get to see his face when he sees Mickey,Goofy, etc. I won't get to see him race the "Lightening McQueen" car from his favorite Movie...I will have to wait and see the videos/photos...So, hopefully one day I will go with him but it just won't be the same as his First Time....

Sad..):

Being Sick is not what it use to be.....

Well as you may know I have been out sick for just about 2 weeks now and I am back as of Today! Happy to be back in the "Swing" of things but being out sick this time is not what I am use to...How? Well, first of all I have never been out 2 weeks for the flu/Bronchitis in my life...a couple of days yes, but 2 weeks NO WAY! It was really strange for me but I  honestly did not have the strength to do anything, so I guess my age is really starting to show? It is very hard to admit that, but it's true!

The other reason is my work...I am so use to returning to work and seeing that "They just can't go on without me"..LOL..Well not anymore, in fact I came back to see what had been done WHILE I was out, alot!! I know that NOT ONE PERSON is "Secure" in their job these days.I saw that at my old job, so many people were let go there that we all thought would never be let go, but they were.. I have learned that ANYONE can be replaced, including me...LOL ..but it is never easy to see how easy it is to be replaced.

Times are different now, jobs are different, people are different and I guess I have to get on the "Roller Coaster" if I plan on staying around here for awhile. It's just been hard these past 2 years with so many changes.

So, I hope one day I can be comfortable with myself again and feel like I am really "Needed" and if I don't I need to "Deal with it" because I am not getting any younger...LOL. As I said before, things are not what they were years ago, especially in the work place.Times are changing and we just have to learn to "Go with the flow I guess"

DWTS...is not what it should be this time....

                            

As you know I enjoy watching DWTS when it's on but this season's isnt very good. All the "Drama" is still there and the conterversy and talk is there but for me having a "Pro" as one of the contestants is not fun or exciting at all. They have had "Pro's" on before but this time having Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls is so bad you just don't want to watch. It's a competition, and with her and Derek there is no competition...and Nicole knows it. She is not even playing it down. She did cry last week saying "She just couldnt get it" well boo hoo when she danced it never showed that she didnt "Get it"....I hate to say this but I hope she is voted off, it is not entertaining at all.... ABC should have thought this one through.....

Speaking of ABC they are so using Kate Gosselin...she is a big "Pull" for the show. They  know the longer they have her on the longer viewers will watch...(alot of the Kate haters as well)..She does have alot of followers...How do I know they are using her? Kate is always "Dead Last" for dancing and that is not how it works..Normally if you Dance last they start to put you back up the line to be first, not Kate. So far you MUST watch the whole show if you want to see Kate and Tony Dance...Shame on ABC....I don't think it's right..But then again what do I know? This could be in her Contract...LOL...you know how Hollywood words....I guess it is good for Kate as well because from what I hear she gets $75,000.00 every week that she dances and once she is kicked off that is it for the $$$ until the last show of the season....But she has the last laugh I guess because by far "Kate don't Dance" and she is still being allowed to come back every week.

New .....

Well another week has come to an end....Thank Goodness, it was a very long week for me. I don't know why this week I just feel Blah..Blah..and I am sure everyone has their weeks when they feel like that for no special reason or they have a reason and they don't want to share it..(like me)..

I can't wait for "Dancing with the Stars" on Monday..(I told you I have no life at all)...I can not wait to see if any of the stars got any better with their dancing or were able to "Shake off their Nerves"...most of them were nervous on Monday, you could see it "clear as day!!!

I hope to finally finsh reading one of my 3 books that I am reading currently (3 is too many at one time)over the weekend. For now that is my only goal, along with the normal cleaning, Laundry and Church on Sunday with Ayden...

I hope to but we shall see....

Who's winning ?..who's Going First?

                                      
So, who do you think is going home first on next weeks show? Or Who do you think SHOULD go is what I should ask...it's all up to the fans I guess...for me..It's BUZZ...he didnt Dance last night, he walked around his Partner...sorry but it's true.I say Who SHOULD go because it's not always up to the Dancing piece of it I think it's the fans that vote. I mean come on, Donny Osmond won last time....I LOVE Donny but we all know he wasn't the best Dancer last season, he was good but not the best and his fans won it for him..

What I like about this season is they get to Dance twice before they are "voted out"...it give people more time to see the dancer...and not listen to the bad press on all of them...take Kate Gosselin, alot of people hate her with a passion, and then there are those who LOVE HER . This is why I saw let the Dancing show what talent they do or don't have. And now to be honest about Kate, she was really really stiff last night and her smile looked like it was painted on, but it was her first time and I believe in giving everyone their fair chance to show what they can do. Because honestly, everyone there last night was nervous and it showed. Well except for Pamela Anderson who I think needs to find another show like "Stripper Dancing" would be a good show for her...Please !

                                                       
Now the worst for me deserves the last piece of this post because it happens every single season, they always have somekind of Professional Dancer in the Group, or one with the Background. This time they have 2 of them, Evan the Skater and Nicole from the Pussycat Dolls. I MEAN GIVE ME A BREAK...Evan just won an olympic gold medal for his style on the ice, which is not hard to do with out skates because they are trained in dancing on the ice...and then the worst of all is Nicole of the "PussyCat Dolls"...HELLO...try googling her and it comes up "Professional Dancer" this girl has been training since she was little to dance...NOT FAIR because you have her and Evan and then you have Kate and Jake who have no background in Dance and that is the whole concept, to LEARN how to dance like the Pro's..This time I think they went really to far. I hope alot more fans see this and vote her and Evan off...I know I should'nt judge them but Please!!

This looks like a very interesting Season and I know there is alot more "Conterversy" to come in the next 2  months but each week it's better and thats what "Dancing with the Stars" is all about!

I need a new life.....

I need to get myself a New Life...I am so excited about Dancing with The Stars tonight, thats all I can think about. I read in the paper that this is going to be the "Most Watched" show in DWTS history...why? Who knows, could it be Kate Gosslin? or Pamela Anderson? I also think it could be "Shannon Daugherty... who really knows maybe its a combination all 3 of them..LOL...

Who knows what it is but this is basically the highlight of my life at this point....LOL ...I need to focus on other things, I know that..BUT I will start on that after DWTS....LOL...

Enjoy the show...

St Patricks Day of old....

. Well this is week is St. Patricks Day...a day I will always remember for one reason or another. So many things in my life have happened on St. Patricks Day...I don't know why but they do. I had the closing on my house on St. Patrciks Day which is a Day alot of people remember because it's so memorable to own your first home. My Father's mother passed away on St. Patricks (and her parents were right off the boat from Ireland)....My Dad had sent my Mom flowers for St. Patricks Day and because his mom passed away that day my dad swore he would never send flowers again on that day, and he didnt!

It's just a day in our family that we always regonized...my mom always made the cornbeef and cabbage. My

Aunt Maureen made everyone Soda Bread ...mmmm good! I enjoyed watching the parade in New York,

and I even went once or twice

The best year was when Cassandra had been learning the Irish step dancing. That year my mom was head of the Church's auxillary group for Seniors (she honestly ran the whole church) and she planned their annual St. Patricks Day Luncheon and no one was more prouder than both my parents to see Cassandra Dancing for them as the entertainment along with the rest of her Dancing group..she wore the costume and all...talk about happy, if you could only have seen my parents face that year..Priceless!

So as you can see I have a special "Fondness" for this day, not only because I am Irish but because it's a day of "Happening" in our family! To me it's a day that reminds me more and more how important family is...it's VERY important!

End of the week....

Well today is Friday, "Thank Goodness"...I don't know why but this has been a long dragged out week for me. I felt like the weekend would never come. BUT here we are heading into another week. I have no great plans. The highlight of my weekend will be turning the clocks ahead in the house on Saturday evening. Other wise no plans. So when I have "Nothing Planned" weekends like this I try and catch up on my reading, scrapbooking, TV shows I have taped, etc. Believe me a weekend never goes by where I have nothing to do and I like it like that.

My days and weekends are not what they use to be since Ayden came into my life.He drives me crazy, he makes more messes than any other child I ever met in my lifetime, he talks up a storm (well that he gets from his mother who did the same thing starting at age 1-2 years old when she could put a sentence together, she never stopped after that)....so yes, I am now living the crazy life of a Grandma with a live in Grandson in the
house. But the good days definatly wear out the bad days....My weekends are consumed with him as well but I wouldnt have it any other way...

Memories....some good and some not so good!

I was just going thru some pictures last night and I came upon a few photos of my ex-sister in law Maggie. I really loved Maggie. She was in my life for 11 years and we were close, like sisters almost right up until the end of their Marraige (She was married to my brother Pat) Maggie was one of a kind and I said it then and I will say it now, my brother lost the best thing when he left Maggie...he blew it big time!!

Even in the end, Maggie tried to hold on to her marriage but if the other person isnt willing then she could only do so much. So near the end she was not the Maggie we knew in alot of ways but no one could blame her. My mom got the worst of it from Maggie. She would call my Mom crying to her about my brother and what he was doing but there was nothing my Mom or Dad could do but for some reason Maggie thought my Mom would get through to him and she couldnt but Maggie just kept calling my Mom and pushing until my Mom broke down and told Maggie that this was HER son she was talking about and that she could not get involved because she loved both of them and that she didnt want bad feelings between her and her son. Well Maggie didnt take that well and ended up just giving up.

I knew that Maggie had changed also. Most of the tension between them was due to them not being able to have a baby, that was my brothers downfall. When he found that out is when he went back to drinking after 11 years of being sober...it was sad. But just before he started drinking we all could see the change in Maggie. She hardly laughed anymore, she took things so much more seriously. For instance on Halloween that year I sent out Halloween cards to everyone in the family, Cassandra and I picked them out ouselves.
Cassandra picked up a Halloween card saying something to the effect about her, meaning Cassandra was pregunut...It was a joke, and I can't remember the exact wording of the card but everyone I read it to laughed and laughed...We sent them out and never heard back from Pat and Maggie and Cassamdra really wanted their reaction so she called and left a message. The next thing I know my brother was calling on the cell phone and he was whispering, "Don't call the House Karen, you or Cass for a while, its not a good idea"
I was floored! I said to my brother What happen? He then told me that Maggie started crying when she saw our Halloween card and she thought it was a horrible mean joke to send that card to her and Pat when we should know how hard it is for her not being able to have a baby but we still go and send a card joking around about the subject and joking around that Cassandra was the one pregnant  ? She didnt speak to me for weeks.   As my Mom and Dad both said In no way would I purposly hurt Maggie in that way, I didnt have that in me. In my eyes it was a joke, nothing more but for some odd reason she thought I was making fun at the situation. My Dad stood up for me by saying "Karen doesnt have a mean bone in her body" LOL

I just don't know why people that you care about and people that care about you  think the worst of you. Talk to each other, don't assume or accuse because that is what will get you into trouble....

                   I have a quote from the bible that I truly believe is true, in fact if I ever Married                     (which is just about a big joke by now)  I would have used it in my vows ..My brother Eddie had me read this verse in church during his wedding Mass:

                        Love is Patient, Love is Kind, is not jealous;
           love does not brag and is not arrogant, it does not act unbecomingly
               it does not seek its own, is not provoked, it does not take into account a wrong suffered,

                                        Love never fails...

        faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

I have finally made my Decision ....

For a long time now I have had a very hard  Decision to make and its been weighing heavy on my mind. I should have made this descion a long time ago but I never wanted to "Deal" with it. BUT after a couple of events in my life in the past 12 or so months I have come to realize that I am not the same person I was when I first moved here some 15 years ago, I have changed. I have changed in alot of ways. I was very nieve when I first moved here, almost "Blind"...I have become very critical, negative  since then and I just don't trust people anymore. I didnt come to Florida like that, believe me, but alot of people here have changed my life in alot of ways, some good and some "Not So" good which brings me to where I am today..having to make a Decision

....and very soon EVERYONE will know my choice!  and some are not going to like it....and others will be over joyed....

         ..."Challenges give us the opportunity to reveal ourself to ourself. In the midst of struggle, is it fear or faith that is winning? Who do we trust ?

                                                                        Stay Tuned

Stay out of it........................

          I wish I could learn to kick myself when I am about to try and help 

                                            people..................it never works out!!                    

People don't appreciate you !!!!

         Bottom Line here, I need to shut up and move on down the road!!!


                                  LIFE IS WAY TO SHORT TO WORRY ABOUT IT!

Who will get this trophy ?...

Finally, it's back! I have been waiting patiently for it's return and finally it's here!
I even started watching the "Bachelor" because during the finale is when they will announce the new cast...That is how much I love Dancing with the stars....I have never watched a "Bachelor show" in my life, never want to...but I did start a few weeks ago when I found out how they planned to annouce the cast.

This is the show I look forward to every year now, it's so much fun to watch! I always have my favorites to win and of course I have my non-favorites to loose.....

So I guess on Monday you know what I will be doing...LOL

So glad I am who I am.....

I really am glad that I am who I am....So many people these days are so "Guarded"....I mean when something happens to me in my life I am not afraid to tell people, good or bad. If I talk to you more than once a week either by face, phone, email, etc. Then you deserve the truth about my life...I hate people that want you to know only certain things about them...BUT if that were me they would wonder why I didn't tell them, and they would be hurt by my actions..! PLEASE!

I am so glad I am who I am, I am an open book and anyone who knows me knows that....I really have nothing to hide, if I do then you know it..LOL!

Be yourself, and trust those who know you !!

Once your gone...YOUR GONE!

Since leaving my previous job I noticed how people change toward you. I know it happens all the time but I guess I trusted to much to think it wouldn't happen to me.....WRONG!

I myself am still in touch with more than half of my co-workers from NJ. I also had one job there for over 10 years and I still talk to them by email, Face book and when ever I go back there. It was a smaller company but still I was well liked and I worked well with everyone. When each of my parents died I remember all them calling and half of them coming to the wake. It was just who we were, like family! My going away party included every single one of them, from the office to the people in the factory....every one of them came and between family and friends my party had over 200 people there...now that's what I call nice

I understand that my previous place of employment was big but in 14 years I met and established relationships with alot of people there. Now when I speak to alot of them they act like they never ever knew me? and a few of them know how to keep me at arms length like they can't say or tell me what's going on because I am not to be trusted anymore? Why? What are they trying to prove? I almost feel sorry for alot of them because they can't trust anyone, what a shame

All I can say is that people are strange and I am so glad that I am who I am. I will bend over backwards not to hurt someones feelings, my parents raised me right! But People around here go out of their way to cause bad feelings.......

BUT there are those exceptions and they know who they are...

I love that song .."What's the matter with kids today"!

Kids today are so different from when I was a kid...I call this generation of kids the "ME" Generation because all they do is think about themselves, they always look out for themselves and anyone or anything comes 2nd in their book.

For a long time I blamed myself for my daughters attitude, selfishness, etc. I thought I gave her to much growing...I wasn't that strict at all, so maybe I did this. BUT after talking to so many of my friends I have come to learn that I am not "Special" my kid is just like everyone Else's kids from this Generation.......So, I feel better about that. I also have to say that I can not be responsible forever how my daughter acts, she is 27 years old?

So bottom line, I love my daughter to death, I would do anything for her but she is defiantly not taking after me in life....But then again neither are alot of other kids these days either....so I just have to stop blaming myself and move on hoping that one day a bolt of lighting will shine down on these kids and change their attitudes for the better....

LOL....as my daughter says to me all the time..."I am just Venting"....LOL...

Goodbyes....

Goodbyes are always hard but it seems the older I get the more they hurt...My Baby brother comes every year to see me for 2 weeks around the same time and with each year the Goodbyes are harder and harder. We are close, and we enjoy alot of the same things so by the time he leaves I am so use to him being around and then it's time for him to go...

When I said my "Goodbyes" to family and friends 15 years ago to move here to Florida it was really hard. The out pouring of friends and family was amazing. My Best Friend Anne, threw me a going away party at her parents house, the house is BIG and I guess it had to be because there was over 200 people there to wish me well. I don't think I will ever see that again in my lifetime. I left a very special group of people. And to this day I may never see that again, not like that party. It is something I will never forget.........sometimes I ask myself, "Why did I leave"? But I needed to make this work and I think I did and to this day I can still say I am friends/Family with almost each and everyone still...and that is my Greatest accomplishment!

Coloring...is my passion

For the past 4-5 months now during my "Down Time" I have fallen into the art of coloring..it is so relaxing for me. I could sit in my room for hours every night and color...I do have alot of books that I color in (They are not the kids coloring books, more adult having to do with history, etc)

I have fallen in love coloring the Disney Giant coloring sheets having to do with alot of the Characters..I love it!...As you can see from the pictures below I am in the middle of coloring the Disney Princesses...I find them to be my favorite because of the different colors I can use on all of them... I use Pencils, not crayons and I find the pencils to be so much easier because you see the picture really come "Alive" so much "Sharper" looking... There are many nights now that I look at the clock and it's 8:00pm and then I look up again and it's midnight...I love it so much because it is so relaxing for me especially when I have had a stressful day...

POWER..why do people feel they need to have it?

Why do so many people feel that they need to have the "Power" ? and if it's not their idea it's no idea? Why do people need to feel so "Superior" to others? I don't get it?

Never in my life did I ever want to "Be in Charge" it's not in my character to be that way, and I am grateful for that. Everyone is different, I get that...some people work hard to get where they are in life as do I and it's just part of every one's human nature to br better...but at who's expense? That is the real question..


For instance take my daughter (Please..LOL, just kidding) she will argue with me until she is blue in the face because she knows she is right....and when she sees that I am right she will brush it off like she says "Whatever"..and she is just one example .It's funny sometimes, but I just feel like I have been dealing with this kind of person my whole life...no matter where I go...This is why I guess I am who I am and"GOOD FOR ME" because I am happy being "Me" and I don't feel like I need to be "Better" or Above" anyone...

Believe me I am the first person to admit that if someone likes your ideas and your comments you feel sooooooo good about yourself..But then again I don't have the "NEED" for it at all....

I am happy with who I am most of the time. For a very long time I was not happy but I have just seen so many people with the attitudes of being "Superior"and I wonder if their really happy? and if being "Superior" makes them happy then I say go for it...BUT Just think about the people your taking it out on....do they need to be treated like that to make YOU feel good?

Think about it..............

Jinx myself....

Well, it's a new Year, 2010...a new start....will it be good? or will it be bad? For the past 2 years I have been afraid of the New year...because for the last couple of years I have not had the best of times...But starting out this year I have been very VERY cautious...I take nothing for Grant it..

It's only been 8 days into the new year and a couple of things have come my way that are actually good..(.shhhhh...I didn't really say that) One is the other day I came home and on my steps was a FedEx addressed to me and it said it was from "Wells Fargo" my mortgage company and in it was a bunch of paper work offering me a small modification on my payments which I have been asking for....FOR THE PAST YEAR...the only problem is that the payments are still very high, they only dropped the payments by $200.00 a month and paying $1,614.00 is way to much for me because I also pay HOA of $250.00 ...This paperwork needs to be filled out and mailed in with in 10 days and my first payment will be March 1st 2010. If this payment was a little bit less I would be thrilled by now...when I called the woman told me to sign the paperwork and send it in along with a long explanation as to why you feel the payments won't work out and see if they send me another modification. The woman said if they don't then I have at least until March 1st to make a payment and keep asking for lower amounts...so this process seems alot better then what I was going through before...I was shocked to receive this. I really thought by now the house would be in total foreclose. I thought that is why I had not heard anything from them since November, 2009...so it was a wonderful surprise...in a small way!

My second good news of the year so far is ....My air-conditioning broke in my car back in November and I have been racking my brain to find the $$ to fix it because I have been very tight with $$ because of Christmas and the Good Faith Mortgage payments....I had to find something in my glove department in my car and I pulled out my Carmax information and right on the front I see a date of June 6, 2012...and I thought for a moment what is this? and it suddenly came to me that for the first time in my life I had bought the extra Service coverage for my car....I was floored...I had totally forgotten about it..I pulled out the coverage form and low and behold my Air-conditioning is COVERED...woooo woooo. So all I have to do is call Carmax and make an Appt....

So, as you can see I really don't want to Jinx myself by saying " This will be a Great Year for me" because who knows? Like I said it is only 8 days into the year....

So, I guess it will just go "day by day" for me....it's better that way!